A letter to myself (and also to you – the black sheep who can’t stop pushing)

A letter to myself (and also to you – the black sheep who can’t stop pushing)

 

 

 

 

I guess you could just totally go to bed now

 

I mean you’ve had a big day. Shit got crazy. You barely had a minute to yourself. You hustled and you lived and you pushed yourself far beyond your comfort zone.

 

So I guess you really could TOTALLY LEGITIMATELY to go bed now and feel justified

 

I guess it wouldn’t really matter that much right?

If you just got to bed now. Gosh – you might get that elusive 7 hours everyone keeps telling you you need right?

 

Just think of all that glorious time in bed.

You totally could.

And no one would even know.

Or judge you.

Or hold you accountable.

Or even GIVE A FUCK

 

So why don’t you?

Why don’t i?

Why are we still here?

 

Why am I writing this?

 

Could it be – that maybe – you aren’t really of this world?

 

Now I don’t mean human, you totally are, but I mean not of this world that society around you has created.

 

You aren’t really made of the 9-5, the mortgage and kids, the brain dead job with the best benefits and the saving for your super so that when you’re 65 you can go on a 90 day trip around the world before you return to play golf/lawn bowls and wait to die.

 

THAT world.

 

You. Me. Us

 

We aren’t of that world.

 

From the beginning – we were different. We stood out. We annoyed our parents not because we did typical kid things – but because we broke rules and hustled in ways that other kids didn’t even have a concept of.

Maybe you had a chip on your shoulder like me – coming from an immigrant family that had to work for the basics.

Maybe you were a leader from day 1 and didn’t know it – the kids were drawn to you, pulled like moths to a flame, to be near you, listen to you, learn from you.

You – who had so much less than anyone else, was the one with all the advice, all the help.

 

Or you – the one with nothing, was right there to give away everything.

 

Whatever it was – the core was the blatant clarity that YOU ARE NOT LIKE THE OTHERS

 

Even when you tried  – and oh how you tried.

 

To fit in. To make them like you. To act like you were one of the cool kids.

 

But you weren’t cool – you were weird. You weren’t like them – you didn’t even know WHAT you were like.

 

You just knew, somehow, somewhere, deep down –

That this?

This life that was being laid out for you?

This education and job and salary package?

 

It didn’t sound like a future. It sounded like death.

 

It sounded like a barrack full of sheep being herded slowly to slaughter.

 

And THEN

 

More than EVER

 

You felt SO ALONE

Because no one else heard it – you wondered if it was just in your head.

This BAAAHHHH as everyone piled into rooms to take tests, exams, be compared on the same scale as everyone else, on merits that some people you never met decided is what will MAKE YOU SUCCESSFUL

Make you worthy.

 

So like the black sheep you are you fell out of line.

 

You couldn’t stay still.

 

You ran – away from  the herd, away from the well trodden path ahead, as everyone else fell into place like lemming after lemming, and you felt like you were under water, screaming for them to stop, to CHOOSE, to LIVE

 

And you were so far away, that you couldn’t reach them.

 

And all you could do was save yourself.

 

Run like a bat out of hell towards that which you always knew.

That which calls to your soul and your entire being and which from the youngest age refused to be silenced.

 

You are not of this world. Born into it – but not destined to die in it.

Your legacy? Your calling?

 

It’s to lead a revolution. Stir. Create. Engage. Change.

 

And for fucks sake – none of that involves going to sleep right now.

Right now when you heart is ablaze and your soul is screaming and you cannot breathe for fear of losing the momentum, the fear of getting sucked back in –

 

Into the real world. The one you have spent so long running from.

Though it hardly feels like running from something.

When truly it is running towards what is truly right for you.

What has always been right for you.

 

Your purpose. Your passion. Your can’t sleep, won’t sleep, don’t give a fuck, just let me unleash.

 

So yeah… you could go to bed.

You could totally go to bed.

Everyone will tell you you should.

You need sleep. You need rest. Recuperate. Work life balance.

All that shit.

 

All that shit designed to keep the sheep organised, in line, and on command.

 

You could throw your hands in the air, plug yourself back into the matrix and trudge through the rest of your days in happy ignorance with mindless work, some netflix and a holiday every year or two.

 

But… you just can’t.

Bed isn’t rest for you – it is hell.

A hell away from what you truly are called to do.

 

Because you know

YOU KNOW

YOU

KNOW

Beyond a shadow of a doubt – that sleep doesn’t replenish you.

Purpose does.

Your life

On purpose.

 

So black sheep you are not alone – I am here with you.

 

Forever out of line

Forever prepared to walk away from anything that insists you compromise yourself

Forever alone – together.

Welcome – and let’s enjoy our sweet dreams together – while awake

 

 

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