Christmas, Food and An Eating Disorder

Christmas, Food and An Eating Disorder



Christmas has always been a tricky time for meand I don’t think I am alone in this.


For me however, this is for a very specific reason. If you have not read any of my other blogs in the past few years, then the jist of it is this: for almost a decade of my life in my late teens and 20’s I battled binge eating disorder, coupled with a serious case of exercise anorexia. Ie bingeing on huge amounts of food and then exercising for many hours each day to try to “undo” the damage.


Something that you may relate to if you have or are currently still battling this eating disorder – is the immense pressure and stress that comes with PUBLIC food centred events.


For me, eating and bingeing was a private affair. I did it behind closed doors, away from anyone I knew. So when there was an event like Christmas where a lot of food is involved AND you are constantly surrounded by people, this brings a TON of stress.


As with any event – you are constantly battling the URGE to eat everything in sight, but also the INTENSE AWARENESS that you are being watched and judged, and therefore MUST RESTRAIN yourself from eating too much incase others see you.


This constant pressure on the inside makes it a total mess in your own mind.


You can’t think straight, or hold a conversation well. While others seem to effortlessly gaze over the food and decide if they want it or not, you are SO conscious of every morsel, every bite, constantly feeling that you are being watched, judged. You have to maintain a sense of looking NORMAL.


You know all the tricks – the food you can get away with that you won’t be judged for, even though YOU know that it truly isn’t healthy. And then the food that you can FEEL you will be judged for straight away, so you fight yourself every time you see it.

Whilst you see your friend without thinking reach for a handful of chips every now and then and no one batts an eyelid, you just KNOW that if you were to do it EVERYONE would see.


All of this – this internal battle, rages on as you try to maintain conversation, smile, and look like you want to be there and NOT with two plates of food in the other room.


It’s not just Christmas. It’s all social events. You hate how no one else seems concerned about the food. And yet inside – you are screaming.


Everyone else just picks food up as they see it and want it. Whilst you are busy deciphering everything you have eaten, who saw you eat what, and how to steal away some more food without being seen.

Anyway… you get the idea. If you relate to the idea – then you really get it.


Having been on that side, for years, feeling a sense of dread every time a social occasion came up – I truly appreciate how different it is now.

For years I tried to convince myself – you are here for the company, not the food.


But as long as I stood there depriving myself, I could not even fathom giving a shit about what my boyfriends uncle does for work.

Until I dealt with what was really going on. The reasons I was using food as my drug of choice.


The emotions and fears that I was running from, trying to numb, trying to push down with food.


The things I wanted to ignore and fight rather than face.

Namely – and I kind of want to pause here because this is ACTUALLY what it is ALL ABOUT-…..


That I wasn’t happy with myself. My life.


But mostly…. What I was choosing.


I was miserable. Stuck. And everytime I thought about what I didn’t want to admit – food helped fill the void instead.


And now? Well now I love social occasions – because I can actually enjoy SOCIALISING.


I could not care less about the food. Half the time I bring my own just so I don’t have to concern myself if it is something I will like. Or I eat before. Or I am fasting. Whatever – it’s not the point.


The point is that I go and TALK. Listen. Interact.


And when food comes around I DO effortlessly glance over it and decide if I want it – as an afterthought to the conversation I am involved in.

The difference?


I have nothing to run from. The life I live is not suffocating me. I live on purpose and with passion.


And THAT is the difference between then and now.


If you relate to this – and STILL struggle in this way around food and social occasions then start here:


With a simple question…


What am I stuffing down? What would I feel if I didn’t eat my feelings right now?


What do I truly want that I am not admitting to myself?


Get real. Get raw. And get the fuck on with it.



The one and only reason your diet isn’t working

The one and only reason your diet isn’t working




Wanna know what grinds my goat? Like really REALLY drives me insane on a daily basis because it seems so glaringly obvious that it totally baffles me why this isn’t common knowledge?


It’s the hundreds, no THOUSANDS of people putting in their two-bob about everyone else’s eating plans with either real science or bro science (it really doesn’t matter which, more on that later) and why they shouldn’t be eating that, but should be eating this, and how, and when, and where and after which lunar cycle….. ok maybe a bit tongue in cheek at the end there!


But seriously – how often have you heard any of the following?


“Clean eating is the only way to lose weight in a lasting way, no matter what if you put processed junk into your body it just won’t work”


“Grains don’t digest correctly in your body, that’s why you will always be bloated and can’t get that slim stomach you want”


“We aren’t DESIGNED to eat dead animal flesh, you are not just eating the macronutrients but also the physiology of the food – how good of a state do you think this flesh is in when it knows it’s about to be slaughtered?”


“Cutting carbs is the only way to lose weight for good”


“IIFYM – it doesn’t matter if it’s junk or clean food, our body doesn’t know the difference, as long as you are eating your correct macros in the end you are fine”


……and so it goes.


The amazing thing that I have no shame in admitting that I have believed and at times supported most of those claims – some when I was less educated many years ago, and some once I had been educated not only from “theory” but also practise.


So at the end of it, after wading through the mountains of theories, ideas, “scientifically backed” research, all of it, we are just trying to figure out that one holy grail that works for us aren’t we?


And THERE is the root of it.


There is the EXACT REASON why there are so many theories, ideas and eating plans.


Because usually (and I have definitely been guilty of this myself in the past) those who find success in a particular eating methodology come to believe that they HAVE found the holy grail, and then a few of their clients succeed with it and they get more support, and before you know it they are fighting tooth and nail that THIS IS the one and only way to lose weight and keep it off.


And you can’t deny them that it works. It works for them. And it works for many of their clients. But unfortunately YOU are not the general population – you actually ARE unique.


Let me put it another way –


Have you ever met or heard from a reasonably trustworthy source that lost weight and kept it off and is looking and feeling great from clean eating?


What about a vegan?


What about someone who eats Paleo?


What about someone who cuts out all dairy?




Have you ever met a bunch of different people who eat a bunch of different ways and they are all happy and feeling good?


Yeah I  thought so 🙂


So if that person who loves IIFYM was to suddenly try Paleo do you think it would work? Would they maybe gain some weight back? Would they maybe have a binge because they feel restricted compared to what they used to do?


Would that then mean that Paleo doesn’t work????!!!


Nope. That would mean that Paleo doesn’t work FOR THEM.


And you know why don’t you?


Not because it can’t. Not because others haven’t done it. Not because it won’t work.


But because this person DOESN’T WANT IT TO WORK.


No scrap that – it’s not that they don’t even WANT IT to work – it’s that IT DOESN’T WORK FOR THEM.


It doesn’t make them FEEL GOOD, they can’t see themselves continuing this long term, they don’t enjoy it and it feels like PUNISHMENT.


And this is such a big thing – so often when we try to lose weight we set out with a punishment mindset – like “you useless piece of crap, why did you let yourself get so ft, I’m gonna put you on a diet until you are a worthwhile human being again


Sound familiar?


So of course, with that in mind, you pick an eating plan that FEELS like punishment to you.


If you love carbs – you will go on a low carb diet. GENIUS


If you have a sweet tooth you will write off dessert for the month. EVER BETTER


And the whole time you will tell yourself that this is what you deserve for being such an undisciplined and weak person.


Wow. How could you ever fail with a mindset like that? (yes – sarcarm again)


Since everyone else has had their two-bob here’s mine – if a trainer/coach tells you that THIS is the only way you can lose weight by following their plan, RUN don’t walk in the opposite direction.


EVEN IF they have a 6-pack.


EVEN IF they are glowing and happy.


EVEN IF they are genuinly trying to help you.


Because if their eating plan doesn’t make you feel excited, energetic and like you are about to be REWARDED rather than PUNISHED, then this straight up isn’t going to work for you.

Or it will work much like it has before – fantastic for as long as your willpower lasts to keep it up and then crash bam when you can’t take anymore and revert back to status quo.


I’ve had clients who eat grains, and clients who don’t. Clients who eat clean and clients who prefer an IIFYM approach. Clients who cut out dairy and clients who eat dairy three times a day.



ALL get results. ALL lose weight. Because it’s about what works for THEM – in their body and also much more importantly IN THEIR MIND.


The perfect diet plan for them was never about what “scientifically” works best – it’s ALWAYS about what they can commit to and feel excited and rewarded by. It’s what feels like the confident and fit person they want to be feels like – and that person doesn’t feel miserable and deprived.


That doesn’t mean it’s forever. I mean let’s get real, there actually IS NO UNIVERSAL RULE that if you don’t find the one perfect eating plan for you for life then you can’t live a healthy, sexy and confident life is there?


It’s just a theory we push onto ourselves. But why? Why be limited?


Sometimes I eat a particular way, and 12 months later I might feel like a change for a few months. It’s not painful for me, it’s fun, I enjoy it, and either revert to familiar ways soon enough or change it up. Yes there tends to be a couple of over riding habits that I will stick to over and over because I love them and they make me feel great, but everything else is fair game.


This is YOUR life – why live it restricted?


So the one and only reason your diet isn’t working?


It’s not that you are eating carbs, or not eating carbs, or eating dairy or eating grains or any other thing.


The one and ONLY reason your diet isn’t working is that’s it’s not right for you!


Not right for your body AND mind.


Cause your mind will over power EVERYTHING. It carries your motivation, your strength, your energy and your knowledge. You really think that all of that can be over ridden by eating Paleo just cause the fit healthy PT told you it works?





If you want it to. So what do you want?


What feels like reward not punishment?


What feels like success not deprivation?


If you want some help with this please shoot me an email to , I’d love to hear your thoughts and see if I could help you.


anapicAna sign off





Confession – the weight came back…



Confession – the weight came back…



Complete terror. That’s what I feel as I slowly begin to type the words before you.

Shame, guilt, and total apprehension. I’ve always been honest with you, but never to this extent. Never about how I am completely, utterly, IMPERFECT.


In my program The Binge Eating Break-Through, an entire section is dedicated to dealing with re-lapse, both large and small. It wasn’t until now though that I was able to understand to a whole new level why this part is so crucial in the process of breaking free of binge eating.


And at 9kg heavier than I was on my wedding day 10 months ago… this feels like that moment.


And even heavier then this weight gain, is the overwhelming feeling that I have held back. Told you so much about my journey and what I went through, but stopped short of the parts that I tried to hide even from myself.

Like the doubt. The fear. The worry about what if… constantly what if.

The imperfection is like that itchy part on the bottom of your foot. You want to ignore it, you know it’s going to take a lot of effort to get to it, and you just want it to go away. But the harder you try to forget about it, the more intense it gets. The more this fear eats you up.


The truth is I am still, and probably will continue to have to learn and re-learn that I am worthy. It was a belief so ingrained in me for so long that those triggers are still there, and come out of the woodwork when I’m not paying attention.

I can 100% tell you that the weekend following our wedding was the greatest weekend of my life. I felt more confident, strong, and like MYSELF than I ever had in my life. I knew exactly what I wanted, knew it was going to happen, and for the first time EVER felt like the person looking back at me in the mirror was my true self.

Losing the weight before my wedding was a story in itself (read the blog HERE), but what happened after is equal parts fascinating and soul-destroying.


I gained it back.


Over the course of the next 10 months, through a mix of lack-lustre motivation at gym, inconsistent eating habits that included takeaway becoming a much more regular occurence, and a 6 week honeymoon stint in Europe where NO exercise took place… it re-appeared.


Now I guess the great news here is this – at no part in this time did I binge.

Not once.

There was excessive food, sure, especially in places like Italy where my husband and I made our way through the country like pasta was going extinct… but there was no binge.

No secret gorges.


The problem was that I had unconsciously replaced and confused two very similar feelings of worth.

I finally felt worthy of love – unconditional love that from the moment I met Matt I knew would be mine forever.


And I had forgotten about MY worth. What I deserved FROM MYSELF. What I stood for and wanted, and what I was worthy of achieving/living.


Without realising it, my mind rejected this new me.


And the worst thing about going to battle with yourself is that the enemy knows ALL your strengths and weaknesses.


I knew exactly how to sabotage myself.


And so sabotage I did.


Because it didn’t feel real at the time – to be this person I had always dreamed of in my mind. To look stunning in that bikini on our honeymoon weekend. To turn heads. To have that confidence.

So I back tracked, just a little at first, and then more and more until it all came back.


And now as I write this I am terrified. Even though I HAVE TO KNOW that I am not alone, that others have gone through this, knowing that I am blatantly displaying my imperfection is so frightening.

Because it makes you feel crazy, alone, and like there is something VERY wrong with you.

But maybe… just maybe, this is what it is all about.


Maybe this is WHY I HAVE TO tell you this – because without it I’m only one half of the person who you can relate to. Like an amazing trainer or coach who turned their life around JUST ONCE and then never looked back – that person makes you feel inferior.


Like why do I still have struggles?

Why can they deal with it and never have any body image doubt ever again?

Why do I still gain some/all the weight back?


So I guess I’m debunking that myth right here. There is no such thing as “happily ever after”

For however long you are alive, you will always face new challenges, and some you will blitz straaight through whilst others will cause you to stumble, fall back, lose yourself a little – all so that you can find yourself again – even stronger, more experienced than ever before.


Anyone who claims perfection – you know that typical “before and after” type genre, where you have the horrible, down on life type photo next to the shiny, happy after – it is just crap.


It doesn’t show you the during. Or the AFTER the after.

And if you think being overweight/turning to food as comfort is bad – you have no idea until you have the AFTER PHOTO IN YOUR HAND and you can see the AFTER AFTER staring you in the mirror.

What does this mean for me? It means I have now possibly done the craziest thing I could ever have done. I wrote an entire blog about myself. And I put it out there.


There is no big summary lesson here – YET


There is simply a realisation that full disclosure is my only option – because anything less is just like me posting those before and after photos and waiting for you to feel worthless when you start comparing yourself.


It is crap – and I am here to BUILD your body image from the inside out, not categorically destroy it with superificial surface talk and motivation.


Let me be clear – I am still happy to own that my goal IS to return to that smoking hot body I had 10 months ago, I have never swayed from admitting that this is my goal, after admitting that “health and fitness” was just not cutting it for me. But I have a feeling there may be more to it than that this time around – but I ‘ll keep you posted.

The reality is that you will ALWAYS have constantly changing goals – life does that. The new mum has goals to get her fitness and flat tummy back after having her bub. The person recovering from hospital just wants to be able to walk around the block again. Whatever we go through, our needs and wants will fluctuate.


What SHOULD NOT change is your body image. Your respect and love for yourself and your body. Your feeling of worth and love regardless where you are at.


Wanna know what I always need to remind myself? That self hate is a terrible motivator for bettering yourself. Self love on the other hand – well….


Ana sign off




Why is fat/thin shaming not ok but fitness shaming is fine?



Why is fat/thin shaming not ok but fitness shaming is fine?


I’m not perfect. I have fat-shamed, thin-shamed, though never to anyone’s face and sometimes only in my own head. And if you claim that you have not then you are either a much better human being than I or a liar. Either way is fine by me. I am just me, imperfect and honest and full of opinions just like everyone else.


But the thing is that publicly this is not ok. If you call someone fat, you are a horrible, compassionateless loser. If you thin-shame you are clearly ignorant and/or jealous. And to some degree I can agree with this. Even if the shaming is not of the derogatory kind but just hidden by concern, it is still not ok.


Quiet simply, it is someone’s own choice what they do or not do with their bodies/health/exercise/diet and you are an ar$e if you judge someone for it.


Fair enough.


Except that the rebound effect of this has made the polar opposite – prioritisation of fitness and health – now prone to shaming. Fitness Shaming.


I heard it CONSTANTLY as a PT, and I hear it now. Everyone hanging out at Maccas trolling through Instagram feeds thinks it is their position to comment on how someone is “too muscly” “that chick looks like a guy” or the ever constant “I feel sorry for you never being able to let loose” or “I would rather enjoy my life than have a perfect body” (like its an either/or????)


Fitness shaming is rife in society. “omg you go to the gym like everyday, whyyy???” “oh you must not have a life” “its not good to be so obsessed with how you look”


Oh right – and I shouldn’t judge you that that’s the third day in a row you’re having processed junk for dinner when cooking a basic meal would take less time and sitting on the couch watching 3 hours of TV a night is somehow a completely acceptable version of “having a life” now?


You know what though – I don’t care.  I don’t care what you eat, how you spend your time or what you value. I eat food to nourish and heal my body, spend my time on improving my physical and spiritual being and value how I look and feel within myself. If you have different values to me, that doesn’t bother me one bit.

But there is a huge influx of people who DO care that someone is choosing to prioritise their health, wellbeing and YES THEIR PHYSICAL BODY above um…. alcohol and food induced social life, quality time on the couch and brain space for trolling fit people’s insta feeds.


Ok. All sarcasm aside.


Why are we doing this? Why are we attacking others choices in how they treat their bodies and choices they make, and most importantly – what we value vs what someone else values?


Someone choosing to spend night after night at home with junk food and dvd’s does not impact the choices I can make in life. Just as me choosing to get up at 4.30am to get my workout in and guzzle my 4 litres plus of water a day does not impact on anyone else’s choices for how to live their life.


So why the hate? Why the shame? Why the need to voice so loudly how you think someone’s physique is “too thin” “too muscly” ” too chunky” or whatever???


It is exactly the same as the person who posts “fat” on someone’s picture. It’s not ok, and it is just saddening to see how many people out there are fuelled by their desire to put others down.

I have my opinions – on what looks good, doesn’t look good, what is sexy – and this does NOT give me the right to voice my OPINION of what I like onto what someone else has chosen. That is THEIR choice.


Fat, thin, fit – somewhere and ANYWHERE in between, that is THEIR business and THEIR choice, not mine. My concern need only be with myself.


Now let’s be clear – this isn’t to say I don’t call people on their shit. Hell, I even need to call myself on my own shit sometimes, though my hubby usually gets to it first 🙂

I am guilty of saying “oh but….insert any genuine sounding excuse….and that’s why I’m eating crap tonight” “MHM…. except that’s what you said the last three nights… what’s REALLY going on?”


My husband knows when I’m not me, and when I’m needing a helping hand out of a little mental hole to get back to myself. And he is the kindest and sweetest kick up the arse I’ve ever received.


But the reason he and I can call me on this crap? Because we know it is not in line with my values and goals and that I am not happy in that moment. Not because “you’re too fat”. That’s opinion, and it’s not needed.


I fought my way through Binge Eating for years, and opinions were everywhere. The magazines told me I was huge. My friends told me I was fine. My head told me a different thing every other hour. None of these sources really CARED about me, just about voicing their opinion. And it wasn’t even their fault – I kept asking for these opinions!


But sometimes people don’t. Sometimes people really ARE just happy being who they choose to be, and your opinion is not a reflection of them, but one of YOU.


So let’s make a change shall we?


Next time you feel the need to voice what you think of someone’s choices, ask yourself why?


Why does it matter if they go to gym everyday?

Why does it matter if they don’t go out and eat crap with you each weekend?

Why does it matter if they dress nicer, take more time grooming and put a higher value on their physical appearance?



Because the truth is it shouldn’t. If it does bother you, ask yourself why – not ask them to change.


I’ve seen it time and again – partners afraid of losing their loved one because they will become too hot, too confident and too different to have anything in common with anymore.

Friends who are afraid of their friend suddenly getting all the attention and them feeling less worthy around them.

And COMPLETE STRANGERS convincing themselves that all fit beautiful people must be selfish, shallow jerks because hey – it justifies why you don’t want to be fit yourself right?


Let’s turn the questions on ourselves and why bringing someone down lifts you up – THAT’S where the real issue lies.


And let’s start SUPPORTING each other in our choices, whatever they may be.



Ana sign off

P.S. The Binge Eating Break-Through is now available – as well as limited spots to work with me personally!

Feeling fat vs Overeating – The chicken or the egg?


Feeling fat vs Overeating – The chicken or the egg?




The age old issue – what comes first? The chicken or the egg? Feeling fat and bad about yourself? Or over eating and bingeing?


I mean really – are you even really sure? Do you over eat because you feel bad about yourself, or do you feel bad about yourself because your overeat?


It’s a conundrum, and I daresay that for the majority it probably does feel like a loop without a start or end. And for the longest time whilst I was battling binge eating, it certainly felt like that to me. I felt worthless, like I had no discipline, like no matter what I did I couldn’t stick to it, like I was destined to be like this forever, and so I ate as a way to make myself feel better, just for a little while.


And then I would over eat, binge, lose myself in the sweet ecstasy of nothingness and yet fullness of the binge, the way the food would momentarily fill that hurt and emptiness inside me – and then I would feel horrible about myself. Horrible physically because I had consumed so much junk that I felt sick. And horrible emotionally because I had once again proved that I was worthless, not disciplined and would be destined to this forever.


So where did it start? And where would it end? Just WHAT exactly WAS the cause? What was the chicken, and what was the egg?


And more importantly – did it even matter?

At the time of course it felt like it didn’t, it was just one big loopy mess without any sense.

But from the other side, from years of health, vitality and CONFIDENCE in my body that I could never have imagine back then, I see it very differently. I see it very clearly that there was ALWAYS a start, and ALWAYS a very obvious cause and effect.


It was ALWAYS the feelings, the thoughts, the beliefs about who I was and what I was capable of (you know – worthless and not much) that was the beginning, and it was ALWAYS the over eating that was the effect, the PHYSICAL symptoms of my mental state.

Even when I had over eaten, it wasn’t that I was in such a horrible physical state that I beat myself up. It was because I continued to tell myself that “see, you just did it again, you really are hopeless” that fed right into the next binge.


And how did I come to this realisation? What part of my healing process made this so darn clear?



It was when I realised that for as long as I continued to feed this addiction, I saw myself as fat. Not like a girl with a little excess body tissue. No – I saw myself as pervasively FAT. Like to my core. That fatness was not a thing – it was simply who I was. My personality. My BEING. And therefore no matter what I did that would not change. If I lost 5kg – well then I was still fat. If 10kg dropped from my body, then I was 10kg lighter on the scale but I was still FAT.


In my mind and in my soul, I believed it. I knew where I fit in compared to my friends, who I was “fatter” than and “skinnier” than. I had a clear idea in my mind of what other people saw based on what I had constructed in my mind. So it didn’t matter if someone said I was looking slim, my mind immediately re-constructed that to make sense and hear “slimmer than normal, but still fat”.

In my mind I would never be that girl – with the lean limbs, shapely muscles that you don’t need to flex to see the outline of, abs that peak out just a little most days.


My vision of who I was and what I looked like was SO clear and sharp in my mind that I forced myself to continue with my habits. It wouldn’t make sense if I didn’t ruin a couple of days of nutritious eating with a binge – that might change the outward image of who I am in my mind.


So the change? For me it was a gradual one because I didn’t realise the importance of it until it had happened. Whilst I healed, trying every single thing I could read about, think of or dream of, some things worked amazingly and others fell horribly short. But as I did them all, I didn’t even notice the shift in how I viewed myself.

Until one day, I remember waking up, getting dressed and kind of just strangely realising that my tummy was really flat. My arms were really shaped. As I dressed I realised my clothes were pretty loose.


And for some reason that day, it hit me – I was slim. It wasn’t overnight, it was weeks and months of hard work, and the changes had been happening all along, but it didn’t hit me till then.


And suddenly my vision shifted – I could literally FEEL it in my mind and soul. I LOOKED at myself, as if honestly for the first time in years, and saw someone else. And it was shocking, this vision of what others must have been seeing for years but I could not. The YEARS I tormented myself when I should have been enjoying myself.


From that moment the chicken and the egg were very different. The way I approached my eating, my exercise, my daily habits, changed RAPIDLY. And the results came even more rapidly.


Because in my mind I was slim. So I ate, I exercised, I treated my body like I loved it. Like I was this healthy slim person.


Yeah I know – it’s not all about how you look blah blah blah. And thats fine. But I’m not here to judge – if you’re anything like me then the really honest and bare truth is that a huge part of you just wants to feel as though you look incredible. And I am so sick of this obsession at the moment with telling people that that is wrong. Nothing is wrong that is RIGHT FOR YOU.

Who are you hurting by pushing for your goals? Yeah, no one.


I wish I had realised this shift years ago. It shocks me how much quicker my recovery could have been if I had realised that my view of myself was the reason I kept doing what I did. But no matter – I did the journey the way I did, and because of it I can now help YOU do it much faster, easier and happier than you could imagine.


Because that slim girl in your group? It might already be you, except that you KNOW you’re fat.


Or it could be you very shortly, if it wasn’t for how sure you are that you’re fat.


My signature program The Binge Eating Break-Through is like nothing else – it isn’t a short e-book or long winded story of MY battle. You can read about that in my blogs if you want, but this is about YOU and YOUR way out and upwards. The information page is currently being updated, and the program will be available very soon, but there is a way for your to get the information RIGHT NOW. For the first time I am taking on just 3 ladies to work with me personally as they do this program.


This is NOT your cookie-cutter approach and it is NOT your cheap option promising you a 6-pack and champagne showers in 6 weeks or less. You get ME, working PERSONALLY WITH YOU, to make sure you get the exact help and support you need to make this stick. Cause lets face it – if you knew you could stop the bingeing and over eating, you could do ANY bikini program and rock it right?


You get one-on-one phone coaching with me, as well as unlimited email support. We nut out what you need, tweak what needs tweaking, and most importantly you are NOT alone in this, I am with you the whole way -someone who you know has BEEN THERE and totally gets how this feels. Your experience WILL be different, but I can promise you nothing you say could surprise me.


This is like nothing else because I don’t expect you to work on this for a decade like I did. We get you clear, focused and SUPPORTED so that you know you can do this. But like I said, because of the time and energy involved I am only opening this up to 3 people to start with me in mid-Feb. If you want to find out more and see if we are a good fit to work together, CLICK HERE and we will organise a time for a chat very soon.



Ana sign off

You’re not fat

You’re not fat.




Ah…the simplest of sentences. Three words. 11 letters. Even an apostrophe in there to show just how simple it is.

And yet, so deeply DEEPLY entrenched in meaning that anyone who has ever wanted to lose weight and heard these words has unfortunately learned to inherently stop hearing them.


Because you know, that you aren’t really fat. I mean not in the “oh my gosh would you look at her?” kind of way.


When you think of why you aren’t satisfied with your body it’s much more complex then that. It’s not 5kg’s or 10kg’s or even 20. It’s the way your clothes fit. Those days when things just clump and show the rolls and those days (god bless them) when the don’t. The way every shopping trip can leave you so stressed and down because once again you had to buy the bigger size. And the way you just wish you could throw on anything you like and know it would fit nicely. The envy you feel when you see another girls effortlessly slender arms whilst you worry about wether this bra will pinch in the wrong spots and make your tuck shop arms obvious.


It’s not about being fat at all. It’s about so much more than that.


So to be excited about your progress, or want to vent your non-progress, and have someone say “yeah but you’re not fat” is at best meaningless and helping condition you to in fact see yourself as fat, and at worst a slap in the face of your inner struggle.


Either way, they become the three words you most hate to hear, and form part of the reason that you retreat into yourself. Keeping the struggle to yourself. The sabotage and the binges – to yourself. Because you’re not fat – so apparently your inner struggle is therefore meaningless. Selfish. Stupid. And you should just realise you’re not fat and shut up about it.


You’re not fat is the reason you are. The reason you FEEL so worthless, the reason food is the drug you turn to. Because you can’t hear those words again, they break you. The way they simplify and demean everything that you’re going through.


The real truth is you’re not fat. You have fat. You also have finernails but you’re not fingernails.


So hey, turns out they’re right. But those simple little words don’t actually mean what they claim to mean. When they say “you’re not fat” what they’re actually saying is “you’re attention seeking”.


 So how to respond? How to deal with this? Well for starters there is  good chance you’re not disclosing your struggle with losing weight to just anyone, so it’s time to cull the list of people whom you will say this to – primarily because it will make your time, efforts and emotions proceed with greater effect.


Once you have decided on who’s opinion and input you REALLY value in regards to this – it’s time to take a stand, and this doesn’t need to be painful, drawn out or difficult.


The next time the topic comes up and you hear those magical words come out – simply answer “That’s true, I guess this is really more about how I feel about the way I look”.

From there, it’s a whole different ball game. If they come back with something like “Well you’re not fat so just stop worrying about it” then I’m going to be really honest – you’re probably barking up the wrong tree if you’re hoping this will be the person that can empathise and support you.

If however they nod and ask for clarification – ie “what do you mean?” or “how do you feel?” then you’re onto a winner.


This opens up the opportunity to talk through your thoughts without the judgement, and a chance to get this person to see behind the surface of what is going on.



Notice how I have not suggested any recommendations for dealing with this phrase when it is said to you from someone whom you don’t want to delve deeper? That’s because this phrase will never come from someone if you haven’t instigated it in some way. If you don’t mention this topic at all, then said person will have no reason to say those words.


Listen up – YOU INVITE those words when you choose to speak about how you’re feeling about your body. So if you’re truly sick of those words – the power to stop them lies in you.


Take the time to let those that matter in so that you can build a supportive network that you know will understand when you say “I feel so fat”, and choose to no longer engage in superficial conversations with those you wouldn’t trust with the truth.


As always – your fate is in YOUR hands.



Ana sign off

Diets start on a Monday


Diets start on a Monday –

but your life starts NOW.






Recently (well, during the last 8 weeks or so) I’ve lost a significant amount of weight. This was not because I was unhealthy or even over weight as I had happily been a normal weight for a number of years following my recovery from binge eating – indeed this was purely, honestly and with no shame – about me wanting to now be two sizes smaller and have a truly killer body for my wedding, Melbourne summer, my honeymoon and beyond.


Full disclosure – it IS all about the aesthetics for me right now. Having spent the greater part of a decade trying desperately to overcome binge eating so that I could have a healthy relationship with food and not use exercise as a punishment and risk losing the love I have for training – my focus was always my health and fitness.


Which was all well and good – I was always fit and healthy. Sure I had a little extra pudge here and there but I was a walking talking shining example of the healthy life.


But again – recently – I got real honest. For the longest time I would look in the mirror and see my curves, my glowing face, my energy that just jumped off the glass – and I was disappointed. I couldn’t put my finger on it – I was incredibly fit, and my health was impeccable.


So why the feeling of gloom? There was no pride, no achievement, no sense of accomplishment.


And then a little voice spoke up, so quietly because it knew I didn’t really want to hear it, I’d told it to shut up so many times before.


It said ” I just want to look shit hot” Like stupidly, unneccasarily, unashamedly smokin.


And for the first time I listened – I  didn’t tell her to shut up, that that is so shallow, that it should just be about your health.

I actually let myself hear it aloud and felt the overwhelming sense pull of a goal that I truly desired, one that would really make me excited, fulfilled and driven.


And do you know what? For the first time ever, having started and stopped a “diet” maybe 100’s of times before, I made a decision to start that day.





I know, crazy right? Everyone knows diets start on a Monday. You need the weekend to clean out (aka eat) all the junk in the house, plan your weekly meals and workouts, start “fresh”.


EVERYONE knows that.



Except that it rarely works. You finish the junk food and battle the worst cravings of your life for the first 3 days of the new diet. You feel so proud of how you didn’t cave that by the first weekend you decide you deserve a treat. Which sets of a craving, and as you’ve already used all your willpower you cave, throw away the rest of the weekend as write off and get ready to start again – ON MONDAY.


Cause that’ll work yeah?


How many times have you done this? I ‘ve done it more than I would ever want to count. The more I did it the more convinced I became that the next Monday would work.

Even if it wasn’t just a week apart, maybe you lasted two or three weeks, but inevitably the Monday curse struck again.

I get it – I’ve been there. Over and over, round and round on this merry-go-round, for years.


And whilst I’ve maintained and happily gone about my life for the past couple of years, with that honest realisation of what I truly wanted, and (shock horror) IT WASN’T just health and fitness – well a whole new chapter started.


One entitled – the real me – unapologetically honest, clear and demanding.



No – I DON’T need to lose two sizes. But I want to.


No – I DON’T care if you disagree with this goal – it’s mine not yours.


No – I AM NOT judging you because you choose to remain overweight or healthy or fit whilst I strive for something different – it is MY GOAL, not yours!


And NO – I do not care if it makes you uncomfortable that I am openly admitting these things – that my dear – is YOUR problem, not mine.



I know everyone loves a progress report – so in 8 weeks I’ve lost just about 6kg, and am hard at work for another 5 or so in the next 6 weeks.

Yes it’s hard sometimes, yes it means some sacrifice and yes it is absolutely worth it.


In fact – I would go so far as to say this so far has been more satisfying than any health/fitness goal I’ve ever had.


Why? Because it’s mine. Completely honest and real about what I most want, and not what I “should” want because it is what society accepts as a “good” goal.


And it started on a Wednesday – not on a Monday.


Because as soon as I decided it, I couldn’t not start it, I couldn’t not do it, because this wasn’t about what I SHOULD do, it was about what I must, what my mind simply wanted so badly I couldn’t put it off any longer.


And that’s what diets starting on a Monday is all about isn’t it?


It’s putting off that pain, that torture, the thing you are dreading – for just a few more days. It’s not something you look forward to, it’s something you desperately try to avoid. And the you wonder why this newest Monday starting diet falls flat?


Cause Diets start on a Monday –

but your life starts NOW.


This moment. And every other day you put it off before Monday is a gift you are wasting, giving up.


It is your life that you are wasting.


If your goal is not like mine, great. And if it is, great. It really doesn’t matter, what matters is that it is YOURS and it feels powerful, aligned and light to you. That it feels like where you want to be heading – not where you want to be running from.


I can’t speak for all goals – but if you’re wondering if my goal is worth it, if you have similar thoughts but are scared to admit them, scared that you might get there and it won’t be worth it – well, it is.




So it’s time to cut the crap, Monday never comes, and when it does it brings with it baggage, guilt and dread.

If you truly want something, you need to go after it RIGHT NOW, in this moment, and every moment thereafter.

Because diets start on a Monday, but your life starts NOW.


Don’t waste it – think where you would be NOW if you had started your REAL goal 6 months ago?

Well RIGHT NOW you have the chance to be six months from now where you REALLY WANT to be.


Your move baby.




Ana sign off


Better the devil you know – why you may not really WANT to quit binge eating


Better the devil you know – why you may not really WANT to quit binge eating


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Sounds crazy right? Of course you want to stop. You are completely sick of this starvation/binge cycle, feeling like a psycho yo-yo that is spinning out of control, always going one step forward to go 2 steps back.


OF COURSE you want to stop this. To have control. To finally be able to consistently work towards that dream body you have wanted since before you can remember.

So what am I talking about? I’m talking about getting REALLY honest.


You didn’t start binge and over eating to make yourself feel like crap – you do it because it makes you feel better, even just for that moment – no one craves pain and regret – what you crave is that release, numbness, taste and satisfaction of having something you REALLY REALLY want.


So let’s just call the bullshit now – there is no room for it here.

You get something from your binges, something that you don’t get any other way.


For me it was an escape – a release from the pressure in my life, the pressure to be and do someone I wasn’t.

It may be the same for you – some kind of release, numbness, relief from emotions that are too intense for you to deal with.

So what does this mean?


Well it means that there is a part of you that WANTS this, NEEDS this, and the idea of stopping the binges SCARES the shit out of it, because then what?


How will you handle those emotions that come up?

And if you listen hard enough, actually let yourself feel what that part of you is saying – they may even say “what if I don’t ever get to eat the food I really want?”

And there it is – there is that fear.


Do you think anyone who has never had a disordered way of thinking has ever thought like this? That they could never have that block of chocolate if they felt like it or that pizza and fish and chips are going to be off the menu forever?

No, of course they didn’t. Because they are not seeing it in black and white.


But you are.


You are either “on” or “off” the bandwagon.


You are either limiting yourself or gorging yourself.


And ending the binge to you means – well CONSTRICTION. Denial. Never having what you want again.

And why would you want that?


Even though you want the dream body, you want the lifestyle that comes with it – there is STILL a part of you unconsciously that is so damn threatened at what a life without binging would really mean.

That it would mean sacrifice, pain and not having a safety net, a safe place to land when your emotions get too much.

Not having that delicious food.


There is NOTHING WRONG with having this part of you – it was created to help you deal with things.


But it is crucial now that you realise that you don’t need to think in black and white anymore.

You will be able to have some of that food – you will just be able to eat enough of it to enjoy the taste and feel satisfied with your hunger – and not eat so much of it that you can’t even taste it anymore and you are actually feeding your sense of stress, fear, pain or anything else until it is numb.


How do you do this? A great place to start is to identify what drives you to these binges – what sort of emotions and thoughts are occuring when the urge strikes you, and finding ways to deal with that AWAY from food.


The best place to get this kind of clarity and to find all your answers is in The Binge Eating Break-Through, where we spend a whole module working through the true underlying factors and another module focusing just on overcoming your triggers and situations that normally cause you to binge and over eat.


But first it is about getting honest stop trying to push down that part of you that is scared of the recovery – it is scared for a good reason.


Food has given it a way to deal with negative emotions, and it is SCARED of how those emotions will affect you when food isn’t there to numb it for a while.

Acknowledging it is the first most important step – cause you can’t fix something you refuse to acknowledge.

And especially if you have been struggling to get off the starve/binge yo-yo for a while now, there is a good chance that you are trying to pretend to yourself that there is no part of you that wants to keep binging, and that simply isn’t the case.


As badly as you want the dream body, the dream lifestyle, everything – it is NOT as badly as you want to avoid the pain of not having the thing that right now is your safety blanket.


I told you we needed to get real – so if this hits home for you then maybe it’s time to let that scared part of you speak so that you can hear it, find ways to make it feel better, and stop unconsciously sabotaging your best laid plans.


Want more info or ready to really deal with this intensely once and for all? Check out The Binge Eating Break-Through Program, only a few days left of the pre-order special!




Ana sign off


The “good” vs “bad” you


The “good” you vs the “bad” you



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This could really apply to anything – your relationships, career, goals…but for the sake of focus let’s talk about your goal of finally getting your hottest body ever.


Let me introduce you to uh… you – Part A.


She is focused. Determined. Getting shit done. Planning her meals, doing her shopping, cooking, portioning for the week ahead. She’s downing her proteins, supplements, veggies – and drinking her litres of water and lemon water like clockwork. She’s on a roll – and nothing is going to stand in her way.


Eh-hmm… Except maybe for you – Part B.


She’s a little different. She isn’t always around, in fact she kinda just shows up whenever she feels like it – but she SURE makes her presence known when she does! She’s very spontaneous. One minute you were fine, finished another killer workout and downing your protein drink when BAM – there she is. Suddenly all the focus drains out of you, all you can think about is that brownie downstairs, and you can feel her getting ravenous – the tension building and building.


She wants what she wants -and she wants it now. To hell with your goals, with your best laid plans, with your perfectly portioned meal ready at home for you – she wants a burrito, then some chocolate, and then an ice cream sundae to wash it down with.

Oh – and she wants it NOW. Good vs bad you.


Part B is kind of a bitch. But most of the time – she gets what she wants.

So this Part A and Part B of you – they co-exist at the same time. Like I said this could be about anything – you could want in or out of your relationship like a yo-yo. You could be fighting for which career you really feel passionate about. Anything.

The thing is – these parts of you were ALWAYS meant to co-exist. They BOTH serve a purpose. Your motivated, achieving and DOING Part A is great – but she can’t be ON all the freakin time.

Part B is there to shake things up, give you a nudge, remind you of something.


What is that something? Could be many things – but I’m willing to bet it’s something along the lines of “you’re NOT listening to me!”

When things are smooth, flowing, you’re pushing and succeeding – it’s easy to think this is how it’s always meant to be. That you just keep going.

But it isn’t. Life is up and down. It’s meeting the challenges to overcome and become EVER GREATER.

With no challenge – how will you ever improve?


Part B may seem like a bitch – but it’s only because we’ve been taught that she is.


The demanding, selfish, I WANT WHAT  I WANT part of us has been drilled into us since birth that it is BAD, you should feel GUILTY.


It’s just crap. Feeling guilty about wanting what you want is possibly the stupidest trait we have forced into this generation.

So you want that brownie? How much less would you want it if you actually acknowledged it and said “hey, that brownie does look delicious, it will probably be so delicious and decadent though that it will make me feel a bit sluggish before my workout tonight – how about I come back here with my friend this weekend AFTER our workout and share one?”.


Or just hell – that brownie looks delicious! Am I hungry? Yum.

People laugh when I say this – like “if I just let myself have all the yummy food whenever I want it – well I’d be the size of a house!”

And they believe it – because they’ve never tried it.


Do you know there have actually been numerous studies done and replicated on children who are either given free access to an array of lollies and healthier options and told they can eat whatever they like versus kids who are told they can only have some sweets if they eat the healthier stuff first?

And do you know what? Overall – the kids chose the healthy stuff. Sure they had a few lollies at the start, and had a few a bit later, but overall – they chose what was nourishing them.


We arn’t BORN without willpower and with all these ideas of “good” and “bad”. The good vs bad.


That sadly gets programmed into us over time. Food in itself isn’t good or bad, sure it is metabolised and used by the body differently – but just because my body won’t be able to feel as great and get as lean from eating that brownie doesn’t make it “bad”.


It just means I can choose to eat it when I want – being aware that it might make me feel  a bit blah so maybe just eat half, and not at a time of day that I need to be feeling my best.

You know what? I didn’t use to think this way. In fact if you’ve read my past blogs or checked out my signature program The Binge Eating Break-Through, you will know that my disordered thinking and actions around food broke me down for the better part of a decade with my binge and over eating.


So I’m not here gloating and stating the obvious as someone who doesn’t know what it’s like.

Gorgeous- I know what it’s ALL like.


To go out with your friend for dinner and eat your healthy meat and vegetables only to drive home through the drive-thru and stuff your face as soon as you’re alone.

I know what it’s like to be at the running oval at 11pm on a Tuesday night doing laps for an hour so that you can burn off the calories from what you binged on that day (believe me I was well aware how much of a bad idea that was!)

I know what it’s like to drive home from work and stop over at the supermarket to get dinner food and also get yourself a whole packet of cookies that you devour on the drive home before your loved ones see you.


Yeah, I know it all.

So what can you do?


For starters – BELIEVE that this is not a part of who you are -you can CHOOSE to believe that food is not good or bad – no matter how long you have seen it that way.

And learn to appreciate Part B – she isn’t trying to sabotage you, she’s trying to remind you to get real. To be HONEST with yourself. What are you really trying to get here?

And WHY?


It’s not about the hot body -it’s about what it means to you.

When you discover that -you will get your real why – and then Part B won’t need to crop up so much to remind you!



Ana sign off


How to stop comparing yourself to THAT girl with the perfect body


How to Stop Comparing Yourself to THAT Girl with the Perfect Body



It’s a crazy little game that we play with ourselves – this comparison game. We do it because we like to think we can get motivated and inspired by looking at the pictures of these drop dead gorgeous women. But the truth is all it does is make us feel worse – more helpless, because somewhere deep down we know we are NEVER going to look like that.


And it’s true – in the world of photo shop where every amateur with a computer can now adjust their photos, not even to MENTION the professional magazines that you are looking at and the specialised techniques they can use – the cold hard truth is that YOU WILL NEVER look like that girl in the photo.




No hint of a blemish or stretch mark, perfectly curved in the right areas, just the right amount of slender, of course no little fat roll or underarm cleavage (thank you Jen Law for that one!)… yeah even the model they have taken the photo of wouldn’t recognise herself.


So why do we do it? Like some sick kind of torture?


I used to try to force myself to join the “inspiration” bandwagon. Cutting out pictures of girls that I thought had the IDEAL BODY, making a collage, dreamboard, saving it as my screensaver…. Anything I could so that it was in my face daily – that if I just work hard enough (and stop binging….) I too can look like that.


But it never worked. Whilst for others it seemed to really help – for me, with my binge eating and destructive behaviour around food it just fueled my pain, my failure.


It reminded me what I still wasn’t.

Mainly, thin and beautiful.


So I’d look at these pictures after an amazing workout, full of endorphins and totally psyched to have my healthy smoothie – and I would feel inspired and excited.

But on the other side – I would see these pictures every other moment too – when I felt down, depressed, craving. And they didn’t inspire me- they taunted me and brought me down. I didn’t feel like I could do it – I felt that it was just a harsh reminder of what I would never be.

And back to the chocolate and bakery I went….


It got so bad that I had to find out the truth once and for all for myself- for REAL.

So I went and I MET these models. These women with the perfect body.

I talked to them, and sat with them and looked at them.

And they weren’t perfect. Their clothes didn’t magically look sprayed on and they were not devoid of a sneaky pimple or ten.

Their skin didn’t glow, there was no extra sparkle off the end of their shapely shoulders – they were just….well….normal.


Beautiful certainly. Glowing from confidence for sure.


But not any more special that at least half of my closest friends.


But when I had seen them in the pictures, put them up on my wall and compared myself – I was looking at two different people.


I was comparing their BEST shots with my EVERYDAY.


How did I think I was going to win???


They had the makeup, the hair, the stylist, the photographer, the experience, the lighting…the photo shop people!

And I had what? My Iphone camera and terrible flurescent lighting of my bedroom?


It hurt – realising I had got myself into this state. Believed a bunch of lies and destroyed my relationship with food because of it.

So I decided no more. So how do you do that?

How do you stop the comparison and truly see things as they are? (including your own beauty)


For one– throw out all your collages, hot body dreamboards, motivation posters in your bathroom, get rid of that screensaver.

All this is doing is perpetuating that realisation every day that you are not yet what you want to look like.

And that what you want to look like is someone else – what an insane concept!


Instead – get some motivation that SUPPORTS you with HONESTY. Find an inspiring quote that you can put up on your wall instead of the magazine picture. Fill your dreamboard with supporting quotes like “Everyday I am becoming slimmer and more confident”. Use pictures of YOURSELF – once you have some before and afters a few weeks apart as your screensavers, so you can see YOUR PROGRESS.


Next – make a conscious decision starting NOW to not fall into the social trap of chatting about celebrity/etc bodies as though you know them. If someone comments that so-and-so has SUCH an amazing body, don’t be tempted to look over their shoulder at the picture and lament with them. Instead say something simple and non-commital like “it certainly appears that way in the photo, what a flattering picture, etc” or even something as simple as avoiding what they said but still being part of the conversation by saying “wow – that’s an amazing top they are wearing!”.


It may seem small and trivial to do this but your mind is an incredible thing – the more you give in to this kind of talk the more it will find ways to support it. You need to CONSCIOUSLY make the decision that this STOPS NOW.


How about creating some of your own “best” shots? You don’t need to spend thousands of dollars – pick a day where you go get your hair blow-waved, do your make-up like you were having a night out, give yourself a tan etc leading up to the day –and have someone you know take some great pictures of you. By all means – book in for a professional shoot if you want, but if it isn’t in the budget right now then figure out a way!


The point is to have some amazing photos of you that you can look at and not only will it make you feel good – but it will be a beautiful reminder that EVEN YOU don’t look like that when you step out clean from a shower! And therefore – neither do the models on the magazine covers that we compare ourselves too.


Just because the photo is by the beach with water rushing over her legs does NOT make it real. Chances are the day was cloudy as hell, she was freezing, they had to tan her like crazy to make it look like that and between each take someone was there touching up the already perfectly placed hair and makeup.


Are you getting it now gorgeous? What you are looking at is not real life, it is a still shot of a portion of someone’s life where they are the centre piece of dozens or more stylists, photographers and other professionals.


So the comparison trap stops now – assess where you are feeding this torture and STOP. By all means be inspired and motivated by those who look amazing – but make sure what you are aspiring to isn’t just a mirage.

And if it is – then make sure you remember you can only compare when you ALSO have an entire team being paid to make you look beautiful.




Ana sign off

 P.S. Ready to put all your body image issues behind you? Check out The Binge Eating Break-Through program – currently on a special pre-order sale!