Positivity – A dirty buzz word?

 

Positivity – A Dirty Buzz Word?

 

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Eeeek.

“Positivity”

This 21st Century buzz word has the ability to invoke powerful feeling within someone – very few people have no opinion on the matter anymore.

 

For some it brings about feelings of strength, energy, focus and determination. RESILIENCE.

 

For some of us who have been around the bend a few times it can make you want to roll your eyes or punch the next person who tells you to “stay positive”.

 

And for some of us – me included in this group now, it kind of just makes you want to vomit.

 

Not because positivity or being positive has any negative or repulsive connotations alone – but because of the way that media and social norms have the power to churn every good idea out to the masses in a tiny, fractionalised and bubbly pile of poop that everyone can jump on and smother themselves in (STINKY!)

 

Positivity had good intentions – it was meant to inspire people to be HOPEFUL, consistent, to not get dragged down and to keep on keeping on.

But like any good intention, it could not go unpunished. Or in this case – unspoiled.

 

Before you knew it you had self proclaimed “positive thinkers” out there day in day out telling anyone who would listen (and ESPECIALLY those who wouldn’t, kind of like next-gen Jehova’s witnesses) that they just need to stay positive, put on a happy face, that you only get what you put out so only put out positivity, no matter how crappy things get, JUST KEEP SWIMMING.

And I’m going to say it – it just went too far. It is no longer positivity when the person telling you about it makes you want to throw your sushi at them. It might be painful to hear – but if your positivity is making everyone else NEGATIVE, then chances are you’re not actually that good at it!

 

Want to know the best way I’ve learned to inspire positivity?

 

Be it.

 

Do it.

 

Believe it and act accordingly – all the time whilst never ever telling anyone they should try it.

 

If it’s really that great, if you’re making it look so frickin amazing then trust me – they’ll want a piece of it.

 

They will ASK you about it, and hang on every damn word that comes out of your mouth about it.

 

 

Because we all know there is a difference between learning and being taught right? You can teach and show and explain and PUSH all you want, but if the person on the other end isn’t in the mood for RECEIVING, ie LEARNING, then you’re just trying to push a square peg through a round hole. Yeah if you’re strong enough you might make it happen, but it will be painful, forced and won’t look how you wanted it to.

 

A forced smile isn’t really the same thing is it?

 

So what does positivity really mean to those who live it? To those who believe in it, do it and breathe it whilst never jamming it down anyone else’s throat?

 

It’s a little like this. Negative people start to disappear. When you try to force positivity onto others you sure as hell will attract exactly what you ask for – negative people that need a shift in attitude, but that doesn’t mean they want it. And so you keep pushing, keep trying, keep beating your head against that brick wall.

 

When you do it for you and no one else the rest just kind of takes care of itself. Slowly but surely the negative people fall away, get replaced by others, and sometimes you don’t even notice it.

 

What else? Well positivity was never about putting on a brave face and keeping on keeping on. You know – grit your teeth and force that smile and just “look on the bright side”. That’s all media hyped mumbo-jumbo designed to keep you in a state of crap.

 

Truly positive, inspired people have this “magical” ability to look at things NOT as reflections of their personal success or character as a human, but rather as lessons. Something didn’t work? Interesting – why not? What else could I try? What power do I have to change things moving forward?

 

Not “wow that was a really stupid thing to do, oh well, no point getting down, I’ll just do better next time”. NOTHING learned, trying to apply a bandaid to your wound of “I’m not good enough” and blindly continuing on. Genius!

 

Lessons and failures are not there to be ignored and pushed down with positive thoughts. They are there to help you grow – yeah call that a “positive spin” on things if you want, but in reality it’s just understanding that as humans we are designed to feel and deal with a range of emotions through both the negative and positive spectrum. Trying to push away the negative ones with forced positivity gives you no added strength or resilience for your future, if anything it makes you weaker cause you’re playing a dangerous game of “how much can I push down before I implode”.

 

Positivity sucks. There – I said it.

 

The good news? You can stop with the pretending, stop with the faking and pushing and trying to be perfect.

And you can start being real, cause that’s where success truly lies.

 

Give it a try!

Better the devil you know – why you may not really WANT to quit binge eating

 

Better the devil you know – why you may not really WANT to quit binge eating

 

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Sounds crazy right? Of course you want to stop. You are completely sick of this starvation/binge cycle, feeling like a psycho yo-yo that is spinning out of control, always going one step forward to go 2 steps back.

 

OF COURSE you want to stop this. To have control. To finally be able to consistently work towards that dream body you have wanted since before you can remember.

So what am I talking about? I’m talking about getting REALLY honest.

 

You didn’t start binge and over eating to make yourself feel like crap – you do it because it makes you feel better, even just for that moment – no one craves pain and regret – what you crave is that release, numbness, taste and satisfaction of having something you REALLY REALLY want.

 

So let’s just call the bullshit now – there is no room for it here.

You get something from your binges, something that you don’t get any other way.

 

For me it was an escape – a release from the pressure in my life, the pressure to be and do someone I wasn’t.

It may be the same for you – some kind of release, numbness, relief from emotions that are too intense for you to deal with.

So what does this mean?

 

Well it means that there is a part of you that WANTS this, NEEDS this, and the idea of stopping the binges SCARES the shit out of it, because then what?

 

How will you handle those emotions that come up?

And if you listen hard enough, actually let yourself feel what that part of you is saying – they may even say “what if I don’t ever get to eat the food I really want?”

And there it is – there is that fear.

 

Do you think anyone who has never had a disordered way of thinking has ever thought like this? That they could never have that block of chocolate if they felt like it or that pizza and fish and chips are going to be off the menu forever?

No, of course they didn’t. Because they are not seeing it in black and white.

 

But you are.

 

You are either “on” or “off” the bandwagon.

 

You are either limiting yourself or gorging yourself.

 

And ending the binge to you means – well CONSTRICTION. Denial. Never having what you want again.

And why would you want that?

 

Even though you want the dream body, you want the lifestyle that comes with it – there is STILL a part of you unconsciously that is so damn threatened at what a life without binging would really mean.

That it would mean sacrifice, pain and not having a safety net, a safe place to land when your emotions get too much.

Not having that delicious food.

 

There is NOTHING WRONG with having this part of you – it was created to help you deal with things.

 

But it is crucial now that you realise that you don’t need to think in black and white anymore.

You will be able to have some of that food – you will just be able to eat enough of it to enjoy the taste and feel satisfied with your hunger – and not eat so much of it that you can’t even taste it anymore and you are actually feeding your sense of stress, fear, pain or anything else until it is numb.

 

How do you do this? A great place to start is to identify what drives you to these binges – what sort of emotions and thoughts are occuring when the urge strikes you, and finding ways to deal with that AWAY from food.

 

The best place to get this kind of clarity and to find all your answers is in The Binge Eating Break-Through, where we spend a whole module working through the true underlying factors and another module focusing just on overcoming your triggers and situations that normally cause you to binge and over eat.

 

But first it is about getting honest stop trying to push down that part of you that is scared of the recovery – it is scared for a good reason.

 

Food has given it a way to deal with negative emotions, and it is SCARED of how those emotions will affect you when food isn’t there to numb it for a while.

Acknowledging it is the first most important step – cause you can’t fix something you refuse to acknowledge.

And especially if you have been struggling to get off the starve/binge yo-yo for a while now, there is a good chance that you are trying to pretend to yourself that there is no part of you that wants to keep binging, and that simply isn’t the case.

 

As badly as you want the dream body, the dream lifestyle, everything – it is NOT as badly as you want to avoid the pain of not having the thing that right now is your safety blanket.

 

I told you we needed to get real – so if this hits home for you then maybe it’s time to let that scared part of you speak so that you can hear it, find ways to make it feel better, and stop unconsciously sabotaging your best laid plans.

 

Want more info or ready to really deal with this intensely once and for all? Check out The Binge Eating Break-Through Program, only a few days left of the pre-order special!

 

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The “good” vs “bad” you

 

The “good” you vs the “bad” you

 

 

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This could really apply to anything – your relationships, career, goals…but for the sake of focus let’s talk about your goal of finally getting your hottest body ever.

 

Let me introduce you to uh… you – Part A.

 

She is focused. Determined. Getting shit done. Planning her meals, doing her shopping, cooking, portioning for the week ahead. She’s downing her proteins, supplements, veggies – and drinking her litres of water and lemon water like clockwork. She’s on a roll – and nothing is going to stand in her way.

 

Eh-hmm… Except maybe for you – Part B.

 

She’s a little different. She isn’t always around, in fact she kinda just shows up whenever she feels like it – but she SURE makes her presence known when she does! She’s very spontaneous. One minute you were fine, finished another killer workout and downing your protein drink when BAM – there she is. Suddenly all the focus drains out of you, all you can think about is that brownie downstairs, and you can feel her getting ravenous – the tension building and building.

 

She wants what she wants -and she wants it now. To hell with your goals, with your best laid plans, with your perfectly portioned meal ready at home for you – she wants a burrito, then some chocolate, and then an ice cream sundae to wash it down with.

Oh – and she wants it NOW. Good vs bad you.

 

Part B is kind of a bitch. But most of the time – she gets what she wants.

So this Part A and Part B of you – they co-exist at the same time. Like I said this could be about anything – you could want in or out of your relationship like a yo-yo. You could be fighting for which career you really feel passionate about. Anything.

The thing is – these parts of you were ALWAYS meant to co-exist. They BOTH serve a purpose. Your motivated, achieving and DOING Part A is great – but she can’t be ON all the freakin time.

Part B is there to shake things up, give you a nudge, remind you of something.

 

What is that something? Could be many things – but I’m willing to bet it’s something along the lines of “you’re NOT listening to me!”

When things are smooth, flowing, you’re pushing and succeeding – it’s easy to think this is how it’s always meant to be. That you just keep going.

But it isn’t. Life is up and down. It’s meeting the challenges to overcome and become EVER GREATER.

With no challenge – how will you ever improve?

 

Part B may seem like a bitch – but it’s only because we’ve been taught that she is.

 

The demanding, selfish, I WANT WHAT  I WANT part of us has been drilled into us since birth that it is BAD, you should feel GUILTY.

 

It’s just crap. Feeling guilty about wanting what you want is possibly the stupidest trait we have forced into this generation.

So you want that brownie? How much less would you want it if you actually acknowledged it and said “hey, that brownie does look delicious, it will probably be so delicious and decadent though that it will make me feel a bit sluggish before my workout tonight – how about I come back here with my friend this weekend AFTER our workout and share one?”.

 

Or just hell – that brownie looks delicious! Am I hungry? Yum.

People laugh when I say this – like “if I just let myself have all the yummy food whenever I want it – well I’d be the size of a house!”

And they believe it – because they’ve never tried it.

 

Do you know there have actually been numerous studies done and replicated on children who are either given free access to an array of lollies and healthier options and told they can eat whatever they like versus kids who are told they can only have some sweets if they eat the healthier stuff first?

And do you know what? Overall – the kids chose the healthy stuff. Sure they had a few lollies at the start, and had a few a bit later, but overall – they chose what was nourishing them.

 

We arn’t BORN without willpower and with all these ideas of “good” and “bad”. The good vs bad.

 

That sadly gets programmed into us over time. Food in itself isn’t good or bad, sure it is metabolised and used by the body differently – but just because my body won’t be able to feel as great and get as lean from eating that brownie doesn’t make it “bad”.

 

It just means I can choose to eat it when I want – being aware that it might make me feel  a bit blah so maybe just eat half, and not at a time of day that I need to be feeling my best.

You know what? I didn’t use to think this way. In fact if you’ve read my past blogs or checked out my signature program The Binge Eating Break-Through, you will know that my disordered thinking and actions around food broke me down for the better part of a decade with my binge and over eating.

 

So I’m not here gloating and stating the obvious as someone who doesn’t know what it’s like.

Gorgeous- I know what it’s ALL like.

 

To go out with your friend for dinner and eat your healthy meat and vegetables only to drive home through the drive-thru and stuff your face as soon as you’re alone.

I know what it’s like to be at the running oval at 11pm on a Tuesday night doing laps for an hour so that you can burn off the calories from what you binged on that day (believe me I was well aware how much of a bad idea that was!)

I know what it’s like to drive home from work and stop over at the supermarket to get dinner food and also get yourself a whole packet of cookies that you devour on the drive home before your loved ones see you.

 

Yeah, I know it all.

So what can you do?

 

For starters – BELIEVE that this is not a part of who you are -you can CHOOSE to believe that food is not good or bad – no matter how long you have seen it that way.

And learn to appreciate Part B – she isn’t trying to sabotage you, she’s trying to remind you to get real. To be HONEST with yourself. What are you really trying to get here?

And WHY?

 

It’s not about the hot body -it’s about what it means to you.

When you discover that -you will get your real why – and then Part B won’t need to crop up so much to remind you!

 

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How to stop comparing yourself to THAT girl with the perfect body

 

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to THAT Girl with the Perfect Body

 

 

It’s a crazy little game that we play with ourselves – this comparison game. We do it because we like to think we can get motivated and inspired by looking at the pictures of these drop dead gorgeous women. But the truth is all it does is make us feel worse – more helpless, because somewhere deep down we know we are NEVER going to look like that.

 

And it’s true – in the world of photo shop where every amateur with a computer can now adjust their photos, not even to MENTION the professional magazines that you are looking at and the specialised techniques they can use – the cold hard truth is that YOU WILL NEVER look like that girl in the photo.

 

Because – well – THAT GIRL IN THE PHOTO DOESN’T LOOK LIKE THE GIRL IN THE PHOTO.

 

No hint of a blemish or stretch mark, perfectly curved in the right areas, just the right amount of slender, of course no little fat roll or underarm cleavage (thank you Jen Law for that one!)… yeah even the model they have taken the photo of wouldn’t recognise herself.

 

So why do we do it? Like some sick kind of torture?

 

I used to try to force myself to join the “inspiration” bandwagon. Cutting out pictures of girls that I thought had the IDEAL BODY, making a collage, dreamboard, saving it as my screensaver…. Anything I could so that it was in my face daily – that if I just work hard enough (and stop binging….) I too can look like that.

 

But it never worked. Whilst for others it seemed to really help – for me, with my binge eating and destructive behaviour around food it just fueled my pain, my failure.

 

It reminded me what I still wasn’t.

Mainly, thin and beautiful.

 

So I’d look at these pictures after an amazing workout, full of endorphins and totally psyched to have my healthy smoothie – and I would feel inspired and excited.

But on the other side – I would see these pictures every other moment too – when I felt down, depressed, craving. And they didn’t inspire me- they taunted me and brought me down. I didn’t feel like I could do it – I felt that it was just a harsh reminder of what I would never be.

And back to the chocolate and bakery I went….

 

It got so bad that I had to find out the truth once and for all for myself- for REAL.

So I went and I MET these models. These women with the perfect body.

I talked to them, and sat with them and looked at them.

And they weren’t perfect. Their clothes didn’t magically look sprayed on and they were not devoid of a sneaky pimple or ten.

Their skin didn’t glow, there was no extra sparkle off the end of their shapely shoulders – they were just….well….normal.

 

Beautiful certainly. Glowing from confidence for sure.

 

But not any more special that at least half of my closest friends.

 

But when I had seen them in the pictures, put them up on my wall and compared myself – I was looking at two different people.

 

I was comparing their BEST shots with my EVERYDAY.

 

How did I think I was going to win???

 

They had the makeup, the hair, the stylist, the photographer, the experience, the lighting…the photo shop people!

And I had what? My Iphone camera and terrible flurescent lighting of my bedroom?

 

It hurt – realising I had got myself into this state. Believed a bunch of lies and destroyed my relationship with food because of it.

So I decided no more. So how do you do that?

How do you stop the comparison and truly see things as they are? (including your own beauty)

 

For one– throw out all your collages, hot body dreamboards, motivation posters in your bathroom, get rid of that screensaver.

All this is doing is perpetuating that realisation every day that you are not yet what you want to look like.

And that what you want to look like is someone else – what an insane concept!

 

Instead – get some motivation that SUPPORTS you with HONESTY. Find an inspiring quote that you can put up on your wall instead of the magazine picture. Fill your dreamboard with supporting quotes like “Everyday I am becoming slimmer and more confident”. Use pictures of YOURSELF – once you have some before and afters a few weeks apart as your screensavers, so you can see YOUR PROGRESS.

 

Next – make a conscious decision starting NOW to not fall into the social trap of chatting about celebrity/etc bodies as though you know them. If someone comments that so-and-so has SUCH an amazing body, don’t be tempted to look over their shoulder at the picture and lament with them. Instead say something simple and non-commital like “it certainly appears that way in the photo, what a flattering picture, etc” or even something as simple as avoiding what they said but still being part of the conversation by saying “wow – that’s an amazing top they are wearing!”.

 

It may seem small and trivial to do this but your mind is an incredible thing – the more you give in to this kind of talk the more it will find ways to support it. You need to CONSCIOUSLY make the decision that this STOPS NOW.

 

How about creating some of your own “best” shots? You don’t need to spend thousands of dollars – pick a day where you go get your hair blow-waved, do your make-up like you were having a night out, give yourself a tan etc leading up to the day –and have someone you know take some great pictures of you. By all means – book in for a professional shoot if you want, but if it isn’t in the budget right now then figure out a way!

 

The point is to have some amazing photos of you that you can look at and not only will it make you feel good – but it will be a beautiful reminder that EVEN YOU don’t look like that when you step out clean from a shower! And therefore – neither do the models on the magazine covers that we compare ourselves too.

 

Just because the photo is by the beach with water rushing over her legs does NOT make it real. Chances are the day was cloudy as hell, she was freezing, they had to tan her like crazy to make it look like that and between each take someone was there touching up the already perfectly placed hair and makeup.

 

Are you getting it now gorgeous? What you are looking at is not real life, it is a still shot of a portion of someone’s life where they are the centre piece of dozens or more stylists, photographers and other professionals.

 

So the comparison trap stops now – assess where you are feeding this torture and STOP. By all means be inspired and motivated by those who look amazing – but make sure what you are aspiring to isn’t just a mirage.

And if it is – then make sure you remember you can only compare when you ALSO have an entire team being paid to make you look beautiful.

 

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 P.S. Ready to put all your body image issues behind you? Check out The Binge Eating Break-Through program – currently on a special pre-order sale!

 

 

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You’re not doing enough – and why you need to hear it!

You’re not doing enough – and why you need to hear it!

 

 

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Big girl pants on baby – there’s something you need to hear.

It’s just not good enough gorgeous – what you’re doing now.

 

Yep. Sorry. Tough love time.

 

All the hours you put in, the well-intentioned plans you make, that to-do list that you write and re-write 10 times a day – its just not good enough.

Those goals you write, do dreamboards for, and work towards everyday.

The way you push and push and PUSH until exhaustion and only sometimes give yourself a break.

The way you demand more from yourself in one week than most do in a year.

The times you give up the social events so you can stay on track with your food, the times you go home early so you can get up earlier than everyone else in the morning to make shit happen.

 

Well – it’s not enough.

It’s not even close to enough.

Why?

 

Because you are MEANT for more than the “others”. Your idea of success is so far beyond the limits most people have for themselves that to even begin to compare would be a joke.

 

Settling for the typical cookie-cutter marriage with your 2.3 kids and just being happy that you don’t hate the person you’re with?

 

Settling for a “well-paying” job with some room for growth and stability while you secretly count down the days to the weekend every week – because you ONLY enjoy 2 days out of 7 EVERY WEEK????

 

This isn’t you babe. You wouldn’t be here if it was. You and I would NEVER have crossed paths or you would have run away a long time ago.

Because we don’t dream small.

 

We dream huge, impossible, uncontrollable and scary dreams.

 

Dreams that keep you up at night, wake you in the morning and stay with you all day.

 

WE are the ones who dream while we’re awake, whilst others only dream while they’re asleep.

 

So you know what? This is not even close to good enough for you.

You were not born to settle in, settled down and settle. You push and push and push some more because it is your nature, your right, your passion.

I get it – oh boy do I get it.

 

The allure of the mediocre sometimes. Like you haven’t sometimes looked around at the majority and wondered – how do they do it?

How do they feign enthusiasm for their life-sucking jobs because they can go on maybe one holiday a year?

How do they rationalise their crappy relationship even though all they ever do is whinge about the other person?

 

Most importantly – how do they not want more?

Expect more?

DEMAND more?

 

How do they seem so satisfied with things as they are? As they always will be?

I get it. I feel that way sometimes too – usually when I’m swamped with tasks, trying to juggle it all and for just a second I wonder – how come I can’t be like that?

To just not care. To just go with the flow. Call things in my life “luck” and just wait for the world to do what it will.

 

Sigh

 

But I can’t.

And neither can you.

Because even when we push harder than ever before- it just shows us how much more we have left.

And THAT’S why it isn’t good enough.

 

Because YOU ARE CAPABLE OF SO MUCH MORE.

 

Your limits are unlimited.

Your dreams boundless.

Your opportunity unparalleled.

 

You have within you all the drive and passion that you could ever need to succeed, but you have to be prepared to go further.

Yes you can rest when you’re exhausted – or you can press on, discover for yourself just how limitless you are.

You can “take a break” – or you can take a deep breath and dive straight back in.

 

So don’t for a second give in to the small minded talk – the voice that says “you’ve been doing so well, working so hard, you deserve a break”. Maybe you don’t need to push so hard. Maybe you can just go chill out for a bit…..

Or maybe – don’t. When the going gets tough – work harder.

 

Be the person who doesn’t have excuses, because you don’t need them.

Because you are that prepared to stand up for your dreams and never back down.

 

Be YOUR version of good enough, your standards, even if they are a mile higher than anyone else.

 

All that means – is you need to surround yourself with some new people! Other people who dream bigger than anyone else. And let them keep you up and forward, don’t let the majority bring you down.

You will be doing a disservice to yourself and to all the lives that you can impact by living your potential if you don’t keep pushing – until.

 

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Why am I never enough?

Why am I never enough?

 

 

 

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Sometimes it feels like it never stops. This never ending cycle of chasing your own tail. You push to get up earlier to fit it all in, your routine is set, workout needs to be done, chores need to be completed. Family needs to be taken care of, dinner planned – not to mention you actually need to get to your job and then rush home to continue the mountain of “to-do’s” before you eventually collapse and either find yourself mid 4th mouthful of chocolate before you realise or else just slumped exhaustedly in bed.

 

And you wonder, just for a second, when you dare to catch yourself –

 

 

When will it be enough?

 

Why is it NEVER enough?

 

Why am I never enough?

 

 

No matter how much you get done, each day just seems to zoom right into the next. The to-do list never shrinks. And just as you finish one thing it always seems another two pop up. You feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and just a little bit like you’re losing your mind.

 

Like in this very moment you could almost laugh at yourself – if you didn’t also want to cry that is.

 

It’s not that you don’t want to do this stuff. You love your family, your friends, your career and your lifestyle choice (well mostly….)

 

But sometimes you wonder why no one else seems to have these high expectations. Why others seem to just travel along this road called life with the bare minimum. They do what is completely necessary and not much more. They plan a holiday every couple of years and their financial goals seem so simple, plain, boring.

 

And this whole time you are pushing, striving, for more. Wondering why you always need more, and if maybe your ex way back then was just a little right – that you are in fact selfish.

 

Deep down you know it’s not true, but sometimes, at the end of another exhausting day, just for a moment you let that thought pass through.

 

Then you think about what this is all for. When it will be enough. You push and you try with all that you have, but somehow you aren’t sure that you are getting anywhere.

 

 

Shouldn’t you have it all together by now?

 

 

Wasn’t your plan to have your life sorted by now? Be married? Have a kid? Be earning at least double what you are now? Wasn’t your plan to have succeeded?

 

And even though to everyone else nothing looks out of place – in your own mind your life is completely unrecognisable to you when compared to your dream.

 

You can barely remember the last time you were satisfied, like you had actually lived up to your expectations. Maybe sometime in school, when it finished. For like a second.

 

And then you found the next thing, the next goal, the next “point”.

 

And since then, you can’t really remember feeling any peace, any sense of pride, just a constant pull to go further.

 

So you turn to your weakness – the cheese, the wine, the chocolate, the shopping….anything that can fill that need for peace and control.

 

Your life feels like it’s whizzing by without much input from you anymore, yet if you drop the ball just once then everything will come crashing down.

 

But for those few moments when you give in – you are free.

 

You have clarity, silence, and just for a moment – life floats away.

 

 

So why do you do this?

 

 

Why do you stuff it all up when you’re just THAT close to your goal anyway?

 

Just a couple of kg’s from your goal weight, just a few hundred from your finance goal.

 

 

Why do you screw it up when it counts?

 

 

Why does it feel like it is never enough? No matter how much you do, you either screw it up or it just falls short of your goal anyway.

 

For me, food was my weakness. My entire self-worth was conveniently tied to my body image. And as long as I wasn’t skinny, well I was worthless.

 

So I pushed in everything, only to sabotage myself on the thing I knew deep down I wanted most.

 

It was never enough because I wouldn’t let myself be. I had convinced myself so deeply that I didn’t deserve love or respect until I looked a certain way, that eventually the truth became that I felt I couldn’t even expect love or respect from MYSELF until I looked a certain way.

 

And having no love or respect for yourself is a great short-cut to making sure you always set yourself up to fail. After all why would you help someone you don’t love or respect? Why would you want to go out of your way to help them and support them?

 

 

It’s never enough because you have chosen it that way. Never is a damn long time, and giving yourself a time frame with no end is another great way of ensuring you constantly fail.

 

See where I’m getting at?

It all comes down to YOU and the stupid rules you set yourself.

 

Like I can’t enjoy my body until I weigh XYZ, or I can’t be happy until I earn XYZ, or I’m not worthy of love until I find someone who loves me.

 

All great ways to ensure you keep yourself from the goal. They are all oxy-morons. How can you get a body that weighs XYZ if you don’t enjoy it now? How can you get to earn XYZ if you can’t be happy with what you have? And HOW IN THE WORLD can you find someone to love you if you can’t love yourself?

 

What kind of energy do you think you will attract? Self hate, unhappiness and rejection. Not exactly the kind of energy that is needed to make these dreams real.

 

 

It will NEVER BE ENOUGH as long as you decide YOU AREN’T ENOUGH.

 

 

But the moment you decide that IN THIS MOMENT you are perfect, exactly where you are meant to be and live in that moment – the need to escape this reality will fade.

 

You won’t need to turn to your vice for the release. Your life WILL be your release.

 

Only you can decide you are enough – it is never about anyone else to prove.

But trust me – once you truly decide you are enough just as you are – you will suddenly attract all kinds of people and circumstances that will be lining up to prove it to you.

 

You are enough.

You can love yourself before someone else loves you.

And you can feel happy before you achieve all that you still want.

 

Because none of those things will ever come true from a place of lack – only a place of abundance.

A place of abundance of love and respect and ENOUGHNESS (I’ve created a word…) for YOURSELF.

 

What do you need to let go of and accept? What area of your life do you feel you are not enough in? Is it your WHOLE life? And how will you move forward now?

 

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Top 10 ways to ensure your life is crap permanently!

Top 10 ways to ensure your life is crap permanently!

 

bunnycry

 

 

(Disclaimer: Please be sure to read the below in a deeply sarcastic tone for maximum engagement!)

 

Isn’t it just crap? You try a few things, give it a go once or twice – and it doesn’t work out. I mean why would you bother trying again, you would just get the same crap result.

 

Let’s be clear – it is just you.

 

 

No one else has ever had any hardships or obstacles that they had to overcome. That chick with the hot fiancé and job that takes her all around the world – well she was just born with a silver spoon in her mouth and everything handed to her. OBVIOUSLY.

 

All those happy people, they are just faking it – nobody is happy. I mean sure, they have it better than you but that’s just “luck”, hard work has nothing to do with it, You should know – you’ve tried to get rich at least what – two times now?

 

So yeah – it’s crap. The universe IS out to get you. And the last thing you would want is to take any responsibility for your own life and end up with nothing to whinge about.

 

So fear not oh whingy one – I am here to ensure nothing ever gets better for you – and I’ve even laid out the 10 simple steps to keep things just as sucky as they are. Wooo!!!

 

 

1. Do NOT under any circumstance allow yourself to listen to anyone else’s made up success stories. You should probably turn off the TV cause the sight of liars like Oprah who have totally completely NEVER EVER known what it’s like to struggle (cough cough) will just annoy you further.

Instead be sure to surround yourself with other people who always have it tough. Make sure you listen intently as they explain exactly why it will never get better.

 

 

2. A really great game that will also help truly hone your “poor me” story is to play “who has it with anyone willing. Do it as often as possible – your friends, partner, colleagues, the dog. The more you do it the better you get, and after all it’s all about winning that you have it worse right?

Be sure to cover as many topics as possible, not just what immediately comes to mind.

Did your coffee taste a bit bland this morning? Pretty crappy.

 

Haven’t got any niggling aches or pains to complain about yet? Make them up – the more you do it sooner or later they will become real, promise.

 

Commit to the crap story.

 

 

 3. Body language is key. To make your inside story a reality on the outside you need to get your body congruent with how crappy it is.

No point putting on your make up, give it a miss.

I wouldn’t bother buying a beautiful fragrance or flattering clothing – it might give people the image that you value yourself.

Posture is where you can really make a difference – don’t be afraid to slouch, droop and shuffle along like you don’t exist.

 

The less you are noticed the less crap people can give you, everyone knows that. Be sure to follow all your stories with heavy sighing and further shoulder drooping.

Oh – shake hands very limply. A strong handshake could indicate you have confidence.

 

 

 4. Cut out all vegetables, fruit and fresh food. Toss the gym membership while you’re at it. Everyone knows exercise fuels endorphins, and no one needs those self righteous happy little shits floating around not ruining the day!

 

The less nourishing nutrients you give yourself the crappier your body will feel, disease will flourish and then JOY – you will finally honestly have some ailments to add to your who has it worse game!

 

WINNING!

 

So what should you eat? Processed is best, the more ingredients that you can barely pronounce the better, and each snack should include sugar – you want to feel as crap as possible ALL THE TIME

 

 

 

 5. Learn how to turn EVERY situation into a negative one. Someone gives you a compliment that your new hair colour looks great? Don’t thank them, just sigh heavily and comment that that’s the first and only time you will be able to afford to colour your hair this year.

Your partner wants to take you out for dinner tonight? Don’t let a single course go by without complaining about the service or the meal and be sure to remind them that this now means you can’t get your hair coloured again this year.

It doesn’t really matter what the situation – the key here is to commit to making it a negative regardless. There is nothing that you can’t ruin if you just set your mind to it – believing your own crap is crucial!

 

 

 

 6. Always turn every situation into one about you. This is a great way to lose friends and alienate everyone, thus adding more things to your growing list of ammunition for “who has it worse” (that’s assuming you have anyone left at this point who will actually listen to your crap ….).

Now this requires serious persistence – its not just about making the situation about yourself, you also need to make it crappy, and this takes some skill. Here are some common situations and some ready-made comment for you to use to swiftly turn the situation into all about you and your crappy life.

 

Friend: I’m engaged!

You: Oh yeah….cool. I was so excited when I first got engaged, but then you get into the wedding planning and now kids and it just goes downhill, weddings are the worst.

Friend: *awkward silence*

 

SUCCESS!

 

Awkward silence means you win, you have successfully made it depressing and all about you. Here’s another one to help you out:

 

Sister: I can’t believe it! I was consistent and I’ve lost 6kgs!

You: yeah you always did have better genetics, I can never do that because I have a slower metabolism and I just don’t have all the time you have.

Sister: “!!!!!!!!”

 

Also a success – anger or silence is a good sign you have treated the situation well.

 

 

 7. Don’t be a woman of your word or follow through on what you say – which is why there is only going to be 7 points in this blog so you really get what it feels like to be disappointed.

 

If you have agreed to be your friends bridesmaid make sure you just whinge about how you can never find anyone, be late to all her carefully timed appointments and complain about the dress she has picked out constantly.

 

Letting people down is one of the best ways to maintain a sucky life, because then no one will want you and your crap around anymore. The end result is you will have your awesome crappy self, and any other chronic whingers to be your friends. And really – that’s just a constant game of who has it worse isn’t it? AWESOME!

 

 

Now if you have carefully followed the above steps and continue to do so, I guarantee you your life will always be crap, you will never run out of things to complain about and you will be surrounded by the most useless bunch of people you can imagine. Money-Back guarantee!!

 

If on the other hand you think maybe this life isn’t for you after all – well then it’s time to shut up, stop whinging, get your shit together and get on with it.

 

We all have it tough sometimes, and yes some people were born with silver spoons in their mouths, but complaining about it isn’t going to make your situation any better now is it?

 

Crap or awesome, how you live your life is totally you call, your responsibility, your choice.

 

 

Which is it gonna be???

 

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P.S. If you’re REALLY ready to step up, stop the complaining and take control of your life like never before – then it’s time to demand success and nothing less from yourself. Find out more about how I can help HERE 

 

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The Insanity Principle (Revisited) STOP being consistent!

The Insanity Principle (Revisited)

 

crazydog

 

This wasn’t going to be a 2-Part Blog, but my last blog really hit me that there was one more point that was so CRUCIAL to getting over this stupid habit of doing the same stuff and expecting different results! (If you missed Part 1 of the blog catch up HERE )

 

And here it is – you DO NOT have to be consistent.

 

Stick to your word. See things through to the end.

 

You know – be predictable and stable.

 

That is SUCH crap!

 

People like you to be those things because it makes them feel comfortable – not because it is better for you. Even if its people that love you telling you that you never finish what you started and that you should just commit to something long term and push through and work through and not just quit – that doesn’t mean that it’s right for you!

 

Don’t get me wrong – they may have a point. You may have a habit of just starting things without any real intention of following through on it – and that is a separate issue – and yes you probably do need to work on that as nothing worth having in life will come to you unless you believe and commit yourself to it.

 

But I think that the opposite may be the problem for you. You ALWAYS finish. You power through, you keep pushing yourself to continue and punish yourself when you stray off course.

 

You start something and slowly start to realise it wasn’t really what you wanted after all, but you KEEP on pushing through with it, only to eventually end up miserable and beating yourself up for not following through to the end.

 

But society wants you to keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving with the herd.

 

Stepping away and making a shift is scary, you might fail, or worse yet – you might find your own better path and leave the herd behind.

 

And that’s scary – for them. For your loved ones who just want you to be happy and content and ticking off the life goals in succession. Because they have been pretty ok with that existence – so they assume the same for you.

 

But we are not NOT in the same age as them. The industrial age that many of us or our parents grew up in is LONG gone.

 

It is the technology age, communication and the art of getting things the moment you want them is the name of the game.

 

Just think about this post – 20 years ago your parents would not have dreamed that they could just tap a touch-screen a few times and be given a blog instantly from someone anywhere in the world, but it isn’t even a blimp on your radar now.

 

So I get it – the times have changed.

And this means the rules of success have changed with them.

 

People no longer work 50 years in one company, just to slowly but methodically move up through the ranks a little and build up “loyalty” to the company.

 

Big companies sack hundreds of workers every other week to make cuts and think nothing of it – loyalty is long gone.

 

And you don’t need to “pay your dues” and work your way up to get to the top, there are 20 something year old CEO’s and managers in more companies than you can imagine – the days of the “put in the hours/weeks/years and you will be rewarded” is over.

 

Now it is about progression – who can progress a company the fastest and lead a team with effective communication.

 

So if you are still following the same path of yesteryear – it’s time to abandon ship and get with the times.

 

This era is changing RAPIDLY. Every day new revolutionary products emerge, faster than we can keep up.

 

And you think plodding along and just “finishing” what you started is going to get you anywhere???

 

This is the time for the BRAVE. Those who are prepared to take the leap of faith and contribute to the world and to their own lives something AMAZING.

 

And it DOESN’T mean you have to be consistent, it means you have to get educated to join this new power.

 

By all means be a woman of your word. If you commit to someone follow through on it. But therefore start being very clear and aware of the promises you make. Because you don’t want to be known as the person who just flakes on commitments whenever she feels like – but you do want people to know that you are always chasing new ideas, new dreams and new avenues, but that when you do commit to something you ALWAYS follow through. You want to be the one who gets it done!

 

This is what being CONSISTENT to YOURSELF means.

 

Only commit to that which you KNOW you must do, and to hell with the rest, you can make it up as you go along.

 

But it’s time to step out of your comfort zone and chase your real dreams – because I can guarantee you that company won’t hand you your 50 years of your life back at your retirement.

 

Claim it NOW

 

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P.S. More FREE stuff! My incredible “7 Day Game Changer E-Course” is where it’s at if you want to truly get your shit sorted and start living life on your terms – like YESTERDAY!

Just pop your email in the sign up box on the top right and Day 1 will be sent straight to your inbox 🙂

 

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Secret Diary of a Binge

 

 Secret Diary of a Binge

 

 

eat me cupcake

 

I never was great at lying to myself.

 

Everyone else – sure, I was the master, but myself not so much. There I was staring at the clock just waiting for it to tick over. Home time. Binge Time…

 

I knew what was to come, just as an addict knows exactly how they will score their next hit, or a smoker knows when their next ciggie break will be. I knew – deep down, in my core, that there was no stopping it.

 

Still – I attempted to lie to myself, mostly to delay the shame a few more minutes. I talked myself silently through my journey home, how I would stop by the supermarket to get some chicken breasts for dinner and maybe a small yoghurt for dessert.

 

Yeah – that’ll happen.

 

 

But I made that voice shut up, what did it know anyway, just because this had all been complete denial the last 437 times didn’t mean it was going to be this time. THIS TIME WAS DIFFERENT.      

 

 

Even as I said that, I remembered my morning, and I remembered my evening plans. This morning I’d gone for an hour long jog, not to mention the 2 hour run at 11.00pm last night around the oval. I was fine, totally fine.

 

 

And I knew I was going to the gym again tonight, spend at least an hour doing weights before moving over to the crosstrainer for at least 45minutes. Never mind the strange looks, never mind the weird glances as to why I’m working out so long – I mean from looking at me you’d think I don’t need to. Surely – that’s overkill?

 

Except it wasn’t nearly enough. I knew I’d already eaten about 1500 calories just at breakfast this morning, so that’s what that run was for.

 

And even though I KNEW I wouldn’t, wasn’t planning on it, was totally NOT going to binge this afternoon – even though it was not going to happen – somehow, it always did.

 

So the build up started. The last few minutes before I leave work, feeling that intensity for food calling to me, telling me it will all be ok, that this will just feel soooo good.

 

Even as I planned the healthy chicken breasts I would cook for dinner and my quick supermarket stop, I already knew what was really coming. Those chicken breasts would go off in the fridge long before I got around to them, if I even ended up buying them.

 

And that knowledge, that pain, that I knew I had absolutely no control – it became too much.

 

As soon as my feet stepped onto the pavement I felt the rush of tears, the shame was already here. I sobbed my way to my car, jumped in and let rip with a flood of tears, just for a moment, told myself to get a grip, slapped myself a couple of times and started the car.

 

I was fine, I was going to get chicken.

 

 

The feeling returned. As I drove towards those golden arches that were like a second home, I felt the peace start, I had my phone ready to look like I was bringing up a list of orders, and went ahead and ordered everything off the menu.

 

I would smile at the attendant, knowing that looking at me she would never think it was all for me anyway, but still I laughed and made a joke about being the office errand bitch. She laughed, I laughed, my heart broke a little.

 

Order in the car I drove a couple of streets down, found a quiet area to park, and began to devour.

 

Meal 1, meal 2, all the extra food and all the dessert. Staring blankly, feeling….. peaceful, like order was being restored. I can’t say I could really taste it – it was just my release. My craving, my drug. And the release was so strong – I felt full, energised…and yet… sick…and shameful.

 

The tears returned. I wished I could go throw up, but somehow I was just never blessed with that ability, I considered starving myself again – and quickly was reminded that I didn’t have the self – discipline for that. I was completely useless.

 

So screw it- I’m going to exercise. I’ve already stuffed it – no point stopping now.

 

 

Into the supermarket, straight for the biscuits, the chocolates, clean out the bakery, grab some pre-packaged frozen food, something with cheese, and off I went to the counter, chicken breasts long forgotten.

 

Put on my persona again, tell the attendant I am the office party run around bitch, she laughs, I laugh – this time I wonder if there is anything of my heart left to break.

 

Back in the car, speed the rest of the way home, rush in for the 30 second get ready where I would get changed and wash my hands – then settle down in front of the tv and dig into round 2.

 

 

The food flew in even faster now, knowing no one could be around, even as I ate my mind wasn’t on the food, it was already deciphering the bags I would use to wrap the packaging in, if I could hide it in the bin easy enough or would it mean another drive to a public bin.

 

The evidence had to be concealed.

 

 

And so it finished, packets all over the table, me feeling like I want to throw up but knowing full well I just can’t. I meticulously collected the evidence, wrapped it up and disposed of it. Sprayed some perfume or air freshener, brushed my teeth.

 

For some reason I thought of a serial killer destroying the evidence after a kill, it was so calculated, controlled, reasonable.

 

 

So insane.

 

 

And I was done – I had proven to myself once more that I didn’t deserve to be happy, that I was not worthy – that I deserved to suffer.

 

So belly still bloated, I got into my gym clothes and off I went. 1 hour, 2 hours, it didn’t matter, go to taekwondo training for 3hours then go for a 2 hour jog around the oval.

 

I knew the damage – so I had to deal with it.

 

 

I knew deep down that this wouldn’t end. There was never any hiding that.

 

 

I put on my perfect persona and achieved and pushed and everyone looked to me like a role model. Someone who obviously trains so hard, must be living the ideal lifestyle.

 

But I knew the truth. That all I wanted was to be anybody else. Someone who’s life didn’t revolve around food.

 

Whos’ entire DAYS weren’t orchestrated by a sub-conscious need to consume.

 

Who could say no, and walk away.

 

A girl who was worthy of love, and acceptance – mostly from herself.

 

Who didn’t have to live up to anyone elses expectations.

 

This need, this intensity and release – it was my life.

 

I lived for food, for the next hit. I told no one, hid it from the world, because I knew I would be shunned.

 

No one could be as bad as me, no one could do what I did. This was crazy, impossible, everyone else was perfect but me.

 

I wanted to be someone else, or even just be inside the mind of someone else.

 

Someone happy, together, not consumed with food and the next binge,

 

How could they even NOT think about food all the time?

 

It was ALL that was on my mind.

 

Even when it wasn’t – it was there in the back of my mind, planning and scheming, the next time…

 

Whilst others dreamed of their one day perfect weddings or perfect career – all I dreamed of was on full day where I didn’t think about food constantly. Where my mind was free and clear. When I could just wake up in the morning and not have my first thought be “Do I have time for a binge?”

 

Yeah, that’s all I wished for. A life free of this – some sense of normality.

 

The above is a very personal and in depth exploration of exactly what it felt like for me for over a decade, I cannot say I truly remember a day from that time that didn’t feel like that. Sure there were moments I managed to distract myself for a while, and those were incredible, but they never lasted.

 

Until the one day when it all changed – and yes it all literally changed in one day. It didn’t mean that I never binged again, that took a couple more months, but I felt the shift straight away.

 

Today I am blessed enough to say that I finally AM that person I wanted to be. Food doesn’t consume my thoughts, or even get a great deal of attention to be honest. It was the greatest release I’d ever felt when I realised what I’d done, what I’d changed.

 

It was like getting my life back – finally.

 

 

Today I am lucky to work with other amazing women on breaking free of emotional and binge eating, and getting back their sense of confidence in themselves, and control over their minds and actions.

 

For more information on my signature program The Binge Eating Break-Through (program start is January 13th 2014), the link is below.

 

As always, I share this with the intention of helping and getting through to you – if this resonates with you, then you are the exact reason I am writing this 

 

See you on the other side! (it’s beautiful here, you should really join me!) 🙂

 

 

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO ON “THE BINGE EATING BREAK-THROUGH”

 

 

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First Impressions… You only get one right?

First Impressions… You only get one right?

 

 

rainbow paint drop

 

Everyone always talks about the importance of making a good first impression is so many situations – first date, interview, presentation etc

 

But how do you know what kind of impression you are making and how do you fix it if it isn’t what you are intending for?

 

Well for starters some of the best people who can help you with this is the people you already know. Don’t go too far back, because chances are you change through out the years, so your best friend from primary school PROBABLY won’t be able to shed too much light on what kind of first impression you leave now.

 

 

But those in your life who have met you in the last 12 months or so – they can. Ask them – when they first met you, what was their initial thoughts in the first 5 seconds? 5 minutes? What about you stood out most, what opinions did they form before they even had any conscious reason to?

 

If you absolutely positively cannot find anyone willing to answer a few of your questions A: you need some new people in your life, and B: move onto the next step.

 

No matter where you stand on the aura/higher power belief scale, rarely have I come across someone who denies being aware of certain people having a “presence” or lack thereof about them.

 

People who you can almost SENSE before they enter a room, and who seem to PROJECT a particular emotion and energy at you even as they are just approaching you.

 

I believe this is your aura – and you constantly alter it depending on your thoughts and actions.

 

So the first thing you want to be aware of is how you are perceived even before you are perceived.

 

How do you influence this?

 

It comes right down to the basics – your internal dialogue. You need to be in command and control of your thoughts and what you pay attention to versus what you block out.

 

One of the things people love most about someone they first meet is themselves

 

Yep – nothing to do with you – they will remember how you made them feel about themselves more than anything else.

 

We are humans, and thus emotion driven. Yes we can learn to work with and around emotions, but a first impression will always be in this range of memory.

 

So before you are even in this persons line of sight, you need to command your attention and focus to send them exactly the signals they want to feel.

 

This involves the following:

 

•        Start with your body – lift your torso, pull your shoulders back and raise your chin slightly, open your eyes and smile with your mind. Stride purposefully and confidently with an air of elegance towards your greeter – maintain eye contact to make sure they feel important and that you are their sole focus.

 

•       The way to ensure this purposeful stride is to alter your thought pattern – run through their name repeatedly and rehearse your opening 2 lines until they are effortless. Your opening line should ALWAYS involve the persons name – people love hearing their own name.

 

•        As you approach have your physical greeting pre-prepared to avoid awkwardness and above all RELAX your body, you’re not fooling anyone with that frozen smile and jerky handshake. SMOOTH and FLOWING is what you’re after. Obviously the physical greeting will alter based on the situation – if it is business then make sure you have rehearsed and mastered which style of handshake you will go for – and then make it clear that this is the expected greeting as you approach to ensure no confusion by lifting and extending your hand towards them BEFORE you reach your greeter.

 

•        Finally – within those first few seconds during/after the handshake will be your chance for your pre-prepared greeting and voice to win them over. This is why it is pre-prepared – so that you can rehearse the tone/fluctuations/volume beforehand. No point pulling off a confident entry only to spoil it with your whispered greeting or to sound like a crazy person when you start belting out a hello!

 

 

So there you have it – your first impression. It begins the moment you are in their view, escalates as you approach, and ultimately the crux of the greeting and their perception is formed at the moment of physical greeting and verbal greeting. Nail this 10-60 second time frame and the rest will be much easier.

 

The key here is to be CONSISTENT. It is great to pull off the best approach but if it doesn’t follow with a matched greeting then you will simply leave your greeter confused and unsure – not the perception you are after. Whatever it is you choose – be consistent.

 

And remember babe, this consistency starts from your thoughts which become your presence on the world. There is no point taking all the above points on board except the part about commanding your thoughts to support you or you will just come off as arrogant – there is a very fine line between arrogant and confident and it is defined in what is motivating it.

 

If you don’t feel confident or that you have something to offer this person (be it love/friendship wise or business wise) then they will quickly perceive you as just arrogant as your actions are not alligned to your presence and impact on the situation.

 

Most importantly: remember it is NOT about you. It is about how YOU make them feel.

 

So stop worrying about your fat roll or your hair or your suit not being expensive enough – they haven’t even met you yet! They don’t care about your little issues.

 

What they care about is how YOU feel about THEM. So make it clear – be confident and genuine, say their name, LISTEN, and make sure they know and FEEL that during this entire encounter THEY are your sole focus.

 

Trust me – that is the feeling you want to leave them with after a first impression, because there is nothing more valuable to a person than someone who makes them feel better about themselves!

 

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