Feeling fat vs Overeating – The chicken or the egg?

 

Feeling fat vs Overeating – The chicken or the egg?

 

 chicken

 

The age old issue – what comes first? The chicken or the egg? Feeling fat and bad about yourself? Or over eating and bingeing?

 

I mean really – are you even really sure? Do you over eat because you feel bad about yourself, or do you feel bad about yourself because your overeat?

 

It’s a conundrum, and I daresay that for the majority it probably does feel like a loop without a start or end. And for the longest time whilst I was battling binge eating, it certainly felt like that to me. I felt worthless, like I had no discipline, like no matter what I did I couldn’t stick to it, like I was destined to be like this forever, and so I ate as a way to make myself feel better, just for a little while.

 

And then I would over eat, binge, lose myself in the sweet ecstasy of nothingness and yet fullness of the binge, the way the food would momentarily fill that hurt and emptiness inside me – and then I would feel horrible about myself. Horrible physically because I had consumed so much junk that I felt sick. And horrible emotionally because I had once again proved that I was worthless, not disciplined and would be destined to this forever.

 

So where did it start? And where would it end? Just WHAT exactly WAS the cause? What was the chicken, and what was the egg?

 

And more importantly – did it even matter?

At the time of course it felt like it didn’t, it was just one big loopy mess without any sense.

But from the other side, from years of health, vitality and CONFIDENCE in my body that I could never have imagine back then, I see it very differently. I see it very clearly that there was ALWAYS a start, and ALWAYS a very obvious cause and effect.

 

It was ALWAYS the feelings, the thoughts, the beliefs about who I was and what I was capable of (you know – worthless and not much) that was the beginning, and it was ALWAYS the over eating that was the effect, the PHYSICAL symptoms of my mental state.

Even when I had over eaten, it wasn’t that I was in such a horrible physical state that I beat myself up. It was because I continued to tell myself that “see, you just did it again, you really are hopeless” that fed right into the next binge.

 

And how did I come to this realisation? What part of my healing process made this so darn clear?

 

 

It was when I realised that for as long as I continued to feed this addiction, I saw myself as fat. Not like a girl with a little excess body tissue. No – I saw myself as pervasively FAT. Like to my core. That fatness was not a thing – it was simply who I was. My personality. My BEING. And therefore no matter what I did that would not change. If I lost 5kg – well then I was still fat. If 10kg dropped from my body, then I was 10kg lighter on the scale but I was still FAT.

 

In my mind and in my soul, I believed it. I knew where I fit in compared to my friends, who I was “fatter” than and “skinnier” than. I had a clear idea in my mind of what other people saw based on what I had constructed in my mind. So it didn’t matter if someone said I was looking slim, my mind immediately re-constructed that to make sense and hear “slimmer than normal, but still fat”.

In my mind I would never be that girl – with the lean limbs, shapely muscles that you don’t need to flex to see the outline of, abs that peak out just a little most days.

 

My vision of who I was and what I looked like was SO clear and sharp in my mind that I forced myself to continue with my habits. It wouldn’t make sense if I didn’t ruin a couple of days of nutritious eating with a binge – that might change the outward image of who I am in my mind.

 

So the change? For me it was a gradual one because I didn’t realise the importance of it until it had happened. Whilst I healed, trying every single thing I could read about, think of or dream of, some things worked amazingly and others fell horribly short. But as I did them all, I didn’t even notice the shift in how I viewed myself.

Until one day, I remember waking up, getting dressed and kind of just strangely realising that my tummy was really flat. My arms were really shaped. As I dressed I realised my clothes were pretty loose.

 

And for some reason that day, it hit me – I was slim. It wasn’t overnight, it was weeks and months of hard work, and the changes had been happening all along, but it didn’t hit me till then.

 

And suddenly my vision shifted – I could literally FEEL it in my mind and soul. I LOOKED at myself, as if honestly for the first time in years, and saw someone else. And it was shocking, this vision of what others must have been seeing for years but I could not. The YEARS I tormented myself when I should have been enjoying myself.

 

From that moment the chicken and the egg were very different. The way I approached my eating, my exercise, my daily habits, changed RAPIDLY. And the results came even more rapidly.

 

Because in my mind I was slim. So I ate, I exercised, I treated my body like I loved it. Like I was this healthy slim person.

 

Yeah I know – it’s not all about how you look blah blah blah. And thats fine. But I’m not here to judge – if you’re anything like me then the really honest and bare truth is that a huge part of you just wants to feel as though you look incredible. And I am so sick of this obsession at the moment with telling people that that is wrong. Nothing is wrong that is RIGHT FOR YOU.

Who are you hurting by pushing for your goals? Yeah, no one.

 

I wish I had realised this shift years ago. It shocks me how much quicker my recovery could have been if I had realised that my view of myself was the reason I kept doing what I did. But no matter – I did the journey the way I did, and because of it I can now help YOU do it much faster, easier and happier than you could imagine.

 

Because that slim girl in your group? It might already be you, except that you KNOW you’re fat.

 

Or it could be you very shortly, if it wasn’t for how sure you are that you’re fat.

 

My signature program The Binge Eating Break-Through is like nothing else – it isn’t a short e-book or long winded story of MY battle. You can read about that in my blogs if you want, but this is about YOU and YOUR way out and upwards. The information page is currently being updated, and the program will be available very soon, but there is a way for your to get the information RIGHT NOW. For the first time I am taking on just 3 ladies to work with me personally as they do this program.

 

This is NOT your cookie-cutter approach and it is NOT your cheap option promising you a 6-pack and champagne showers in 6 weeks or less. You get ME, working PERSONALLY WITH YOU, to make sure you get the exact help and support you need to make this stick. Cause lets face it – if you knew you could stop the bingeing and over eating, you could do ANY bikini program and rock it right?

 

You get one-on-one phone coaching with me, as well as unlimited email support. We nut out what you need, tweak what needs tweaking, and most importantly you are NOT alone in this, I am with you the whole way -someone who you know has BEEN THERE and totally gets how this feels. Your experience WILL be different, but I can promise you nothing you say could surprise me.

 

This is like nothing else because I don’t expect you to work on this for a decade like I did. We get you clear, focused and SUPPORTED so that you know you can do this. But like I said, because of the time and energy involved I am only opening this up to 3 people to start with me in mid-Feb. If you want to find out more and see if we are a good fit to work together, CLICK HERE and we will organise a time for a chat very soon.

 

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