A letter to my single self…

 

A letter to my single self…

 

 

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Looking back on my years of dating, on the pain, the joy and the lessons, there is no doubt that there are times I look back and cringe whilst thinking “What WERE you thinking?”

I know you’ve been there, whole weeks, months or maybe years of your life where you honestly wonder if you were brainwashed the whole time? Or drunk?

 

Yeah, I had those.

 

And having the advantage of hindsight now, I can clearly look back and see where the problems started. Where I was confused, lacking strength, self-esteem and self-belief.

If I could go back to that young girl I was years ago I would have so many things I would want to tell her, about what love is really like – and most importantly about how simple it really is.

 

 

I would tell her that you really can’t find TRUE love until you find yourself.

 

Whatever that means right? So cliché, and yet so true. However you go about finding out who you really are and what you stand for, I wish I had known back then that the reason I wasn’t finding lasting love wasn’t because there was something wrong with me – but because I hadn’t yet finished growing into the person I wanted to BE when I met the right person for me.

 

I was confused. Battling binge eating disorder. Convinced I was fat and ugly despite knowing better. Always trying to prove something – mostly to myself. Trying to prove that I was worthy after all – of love. But I didn’t believe it. Not for a second.

 

The thing with anyone you attract into your life as the person you want to receive love from is going to be an exact mirror of how you view the love you believe you deserve.

 

This is where the movie ends. The smoke and mirrors get lifted away. The actors stop playing their scripted parts. And you see what reality truly is.

 

Here’s what it’s not – it’s not the dream guy coming out of nowhere when you are at your lowest and turning your life around.

 

It’s not the amazing guy entering your life when you have “given up on men” and you fall happily in love.

 

It’s not the one guy you have always wanted but who refused to acknowledge you and then you went on a quest to find yourself and by the end he has fallen in love with you….oh wait – actually that actually IS how it is!

 

Why? Because you did the work. You got your shit sorted. You put YOURSELF before anything else and you really came into your own.

 

And then of course there is the plot twist where once you have made this journey and your dream guy falls head over heels for you –you suddenly realise someone else is who you truly want – because that dream guy was never as good as you thought he was.

 

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve heard all the stories. Yes I know fairytales come true, I’m living proof of it with my fiancé (more on that in a later blog).

 

But it didn’t happen out of nowhere. I damn well created my fairytale. Not with physical actions but with my thoughts and demands on the universe.

 

And when I was feeling worthless, hopeful but despondant and basically unsure of myself I was only attracting more of the same.

 

It wasn’t until I got 100% honest about

WHO I AM

WHAT I STAND FOR

WHAT I WON’T SETTLE FOR

And Who Deserves ME – then it all came together.

 

 

THEN my fairytale happened. THEN I never had to feel pain or doubt in my relationship again.

 

 

 

I would tell her that there is NO SUCH THING as a lasting mistake.

 

Seriously, nothing. There is not one thing you can do in your life that will EVER decide the fate of the rest of your life forever. Nothing. Because out of every situation, every action, every consequence – there will always be a million possibilities opened up from it.

 

I know the pain of heartbreak intensely. I remember the searing throb of knowing someone I love with every fibre of my being is not in love with me. And I know deeply what it means to love someone who will never love you back.

 

I know what it means to feel completely unworthy.

 

But any of the choices I made, however huge they seemed at the time – they were never life altering forever.

Sure some changed things in huge ways, caused me to take certain actions, but in no way did any of them SEAL my FATE with no other options.

 

I remember the exact thoughts that raced through my head as I debated with myself about ending a long term relationship at the age of 24. I would be 25 in just a few months.

 

I look back now and realise that 25 is nothing – so young and nowhere near the problem I thought it would be.

But I knew I was leaving my entire life as I knew it behind, starting over, and it was scary. What if I NEVER found anyone again?

In hindsight it was so silly, but at the time it felt so real, that possibility that I may be alone forever.

 

But it meant nothing. Because of my resolve to be true to myself I managed to attract my fiancé to me within 2 months of making the move and coming back home. THAT’S how quick shit works when you ARE TRUE TO YOURSELF.

 

Literally THAT quick!

 

 

 

I would tell her that your intuition is ALWAYS right.

 

I’m going to let you in on a little secret – us women have INCREDIBLE intuition.

Seriously. If there is anything you are ever unsure of, or have been unsure of, I guarantee you you already knew the answer. Somewhere in there, you knew. Wether or not you paid attention is a different story.

 

But you can’t tell me you’ve never thought “DAMN IT! I KNEW that would happen, why did I choose the other way?”

 

The lesson for me took a LONG time to learn. But I finally got it.

 

Intuition is ALWAYS right.

 

And the most painful way I knew this?

Well the moment I decided to leave the above long-term relationship. I could have stayed. Could have tried to work on it. Could have been 26 or 27 when I left it.

But as I racked my mind for a decision a memory flew to me.

It was years back, when we had just got together.

We were driving to our new house that we had just signed a lease for and I remember looking over and thinking “this isn’t going to be a forever thing”

And almost as quickly as I thought it I brushed it aside as silly early relationship thinking.

And I ventured on through many more houses and across states with the man I loved.

And in that moment as I tried to make a decision I remembered that moment, and wondered – what would have happened if I had ended it then? Months ago? Years ago? Where would I be now?

 

 

And then it hit me – I was having another intuition moment, but this time I WAS NOT going to brush it off.

 

Because I was 25 after all.

When would my next intuition come? 27? 30? Would I be married with kids before I admitted the truth to myself?

I was right. It wasn’t a forever thing. I put in those years even though I’d had that intuition.

And I was not going to put in any more without listening hard.

 

So single young girl…. Trust your intuition. It is always right.

 

And it always comes back to bite you in the arse and say “See – I told you so!”

 

 

So single girl of the past…. Listen carefully.

 

You ARE worthy of love – but you will never get it until you believe it and SHOW it to yourself.

 

Prince charming will NOT come along and “fix you” and then ride off into the sunset.

 

You have to fix your own shit – cause that’s how we get it done right?

We’re not here to be half the story of a mans success.

We are here to be our own story – our own growth, lessons and success.

And then the guy gets to come along and slot right in with your awesomeness.

Don’t be afraid to take risks, love with all your heart and have your heart broken.

Nothing ever lasts forever, even pain.

 

And OH MY GOD do I know about pain – I basically chained myself to my dream unattainable guy for years as if trying to discover just how much pain I could endure.

 

Little tip? You will ALWAYS find a way to put up with ANYTHING if you convince yourself you don’t deserve better.

 

So single young girl – be true to you.

 

Figure out your shit.

 

However long it takes.

 

Whatever you have to do (I backpacked for 4 and a half months and it only solved SOME of my shit!)

Then demand with certainty from the universe what it is you want, what you KNOW you DESERVE!

And trust your intuition, it is always right, in the long run.

You can ignore it once, twice, but it keeps coming back – until you get it.

And one day – you will get great at recognising it early to save yourself the enduring pain of drawing it out.

 

Be brave single young girl, be strong and true.

Your dreams will all come true!

 

Share your thoughts with me – What would you say to your younger single self if you knew what you know about love now?

 

 

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