Learning to LOVE the PAIN

 

 

Learning to LOVE the PAIN

 

 

ANA BROOKS

 

 

It’s not just me is it?

 

Addicted to the burn, to the pain, to the internal turmoil –

 

Of what you ask?

 

 

Of it all. Of your life. Of this total need to surrender, to dive in, whether you have breath in your lungs or not –

You just jump anyway, take the leap, with no real idea where you will fall, or if anything could ever catch you.

 

This isn’t real anyway – this life you see around you – the people sitting in cafes discussing their office jobs and office politics, the reality TV show they are watching, the sport they are following…

 

In other words – other peoples lives they are following.

 

 

None of this is real, none of this even fucking matters.

 

 

It never has to you has it?

 

Since the first time you were able to form thoughts, emotions, you just KNEW that you didn’t fit in.

 

You were different. You didn’t give a flying fuck about the current hot tv series, or what so and so’s boyfriend is up to, or what baby crib is the cutest right now…

 

You felt so alone – where were your people?

 

The ones who get deep – who don’t ask you how your day is and “what’s up?” but who ask you –

 

What do you dream of? What is your deepest fear? If you were to die today what would you regret, what would you wish you had done?

 

No, I couldn’t care less who stayed together on the latest reality show…

 

 

But tell me – who are you? What makes your soul alive? WHY THE FUCK are you even alive????

 

 

When was the last time you felt pain so deep and so intense that you cried with joy?

 

 

That it made you burn and cry and scream and FEEL LIKE YOU ARE FUCKING FLYING?

 

 

Are you addicted? The the grind? To the push? Do you chase the fall?

 

And then slowly, surely – you found yourself.

 

And then others like you.

 

Us.

 

Who can’t sit still. Who die everyday and then push themselves through the trenches to feel alive again.

 

 

Who walk through fire not because they are scared to – but because they fucking have to – they have to feel the burn, to know they are heading in the right direction.

 

Cause growth comes from hardship right? From pushing yourself further? From moving out of your comfort zone?

 

So then why the fuck would you sit in this moment, and not even enjoy it?

 

Worse than not pushing to new levels of all that this infinite human form can be – is that you aren’t even in this moment.

 

You drown – in the tv show, in food, in drugs, in your drug of choice… in the thing you use to hide your fears.

 

 

That maybe this is all too much – that maybe you are too fucking powerful for even yourself.

 

 

You are here. Right now. In the right place. With those who get you. Who never say die. Who are addicted to IT ALL – the pain, the burn, the intensity.

 

 

 

 

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