Why am I never enough?

Why am I never enough?

 

 

 

large (2)

 

 

 

Sometimes it feels like it never stops. This never ending cycle of chasing your own tail. You push to get up earlier to fit it all in, your routine is set, workout needs to be done, chores need to be completed. Family needs to be taken care of, dinner planned – not to mention you actually need to get to your job and then rush home to continue the mountain of “to-do’s” before you eventually collapse and either find yourself mid 4th mouthful of chocolate before you realise or else just slumped exhaustedly in bed.

 

And you wonder, just for a second, when you dare to catch yourself –

 

 

When will it be enough?

 

Why is it NEVER enough?

 

Why am I never enough?

 

 

No matter how much you get done, each day just seems to zoom right into the next. The to-do list never shrinks. And just as you finish one thing it always seems another two pop up. You feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and just a little bit like you’re losing your mind.

 

Like in this very moment you could almost laugh at yourself – if you didn’t also want to cry that is.

 

It’s not that you don’t want to do this stuff. You love your family, your friends, your career and your lifestyle choice (well mostly….)

 

But sometimes you wonder why no one else seems to have these high expectations. Why others seem to just travel along this road called life with the bare minimum. They do what is completely necessary and not much more. They plan a holiday every couple of years and their financial goals seem so simple, plain, boring.

 

And this whole time you are pushing, striving, for more. Wondering why you always need more, and if maybe your ex way back then was just a little right – that you are in fact selfish.

 

Deep down you know it’s not true, but sometimes, at the end of another exhausting day, just for a moment you let that thought pass through.

 

Then you think about what this is all for. When it will be enough. You push and you try with all that you have, but somehow you aren’t sure that you are getting anywhere.

 

 

Shouldn’t you have it all together by now?

 

 

Wasn’t your plan to have your life sorted by now? Be married? Have a kid? Be earning at least double what you are now? Wasn’t your plan to have succeeded?

 

And even though to everyone else nothing looks out of place – in your own mind your life is completely unrecognisable to you when compared to your dream.

 

You can barely remember the last time you were satisfied, like you had actually lived up to your expectations. Maybe sometime in school, when it finished. For like a second.

 

And then you found the next thing, the next goal, the next “point”.

 

And since then, you can’t really remember feeling any peace, any sense of pride, just a constant pull to go further.

 

So you turn to your weakness – the cheese, the wine, the chocolate, the shopping….anything that can fill that need for peace and control.

 

Your life feels like it’s whizzing by without much input from you anymore, yet if you drop the ball just once then everything will come crashing down.

 

But for those few moments when you give in – you are free.

 

You have clarity, silence, and just for a moment – life floats away.

 

 

So why do you do this?

 

 

Why do you stuff it all up when you’re just THAT close to your goal anyway?

 

Just a couple of kg’s from your goal weight, just a few hundred from your finance goal.

 

 

Why do you screw it up when it counts?

 

 

Why does it feel like it is never enough? No matter how much you do, you either screw it up or it just falls short of your goal anyway.

 

For me, food was my weakness. My entire self-worth was conveniently tied to my body image. And as long as I wasn’t skinny, well I was worthless.

 

So I pushed in everything, only to sabotage myself on the thing I knew deep down I wanted most.

 

It was never enough because I wouldn’t let myself be. I had convinced myself so deeply that I didn’t deserve love or respect until I looked a certain way, that eventually the truth became that I felt I couldn’t even expect love or respect from MYSELF until I looked a certain way.

 

And having no love or respect for yourself is a great short-cut to making sure you always set yourself up to fail. After all why would you help someone you don’t love or respect? Why would you want to go out of your way to help them and support them?

 

 

It’s never enough because you have chosen it that way. Never is a damn long time, and giving yourself a time frame with no end is another great way of ensuring you constantly fail.

 

See where I’m getting at?

It all comes down to YOU and the stupid rules you set yourself.

 

Like I can’t enjoy my body until I weigh XYZ, or I can’t be happy until I earn XYZ, or I’m not worthy of love until I find someone who loves me.

 

All great ways to ensure you keep yourself from the goal. They are all oxy-morons. How can you get a body that weighs XYZ if you don’t enjoy it now? How can you get to earn XYZ if you can’t be happy with what you have? And HOW IN THE WORLD can you find someone to love you if you can’t love yourself?

 

What kind of energy do you think you will attract? Self hate, unhappiness and rejection. Not exactly the kind of energy that is needed to make these dreams real.

 

 

It will NEVER BE ENOUGH as long as you decide YOU AREN’T ENOUGH.

 

 

But the moment you decide that IN THIS MOMENT you are perfect, exactly where you are meant to be and live in that moment – the need to escape this reality will fade.

 

You won’t need to turn to your vice for the release. Your life WILL be your release.

 

Only you can decide you are enough – it is never about anyone else to prove.

But trust me – once you truly decide you are enough just as you are – you will suddenly attract all kinds of people and circumstances that will be lining up to prove it to you.

 

You are enough.

You can love yourself before someone else loves you.

And you can feel happy before you achieve all that you still want.

 

Because none of those things will ever come true from a place of lack – only a place of abundance.

A place of abundance of love and respect and ENOUGHNESS (I’ve created a word…) for YOURSELF.

 

What do you need to let go of and accept? What area of your life do you feel you are not enough in? Is it your WHOLE life? And how will you move forward now?

 

AnaPhoto2

 

Ana sign off

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Be Sociable, Share!

Speak Your Mind

*